生活总有办法追上你 Life has a way of catching up to you
特别是在你最意想不到的时候 especially when you least expect it.
这种事总是发生在我身上 That's always been the case for me.
嘿 宝宝 小宝宝 Hey baby, little baby!
我们去抓住他！ Let's get him!
欢迎来到我的生活 Welcome to my existence.
闭嘴！ shut up!
住手！ Stop it!
喜欢吗？ You like that?
我的童年生活从未一帆风顺 Life as a kid was never a bed of roses.
每当我回想起 这绝对不算我生命中最好的时光 And when I think back, they were not the best of times.
书呆子 Geek!
也绝对不是我最喜欢的一段 And definitely not my most fondest.
嘿 娘炮 Hey dick weed.
娘娘腔！ Wedgie!
没错 这些是我想要封存 Yeah, those were times that I'd prefer
永远不再记起的回忆 to forget and leave dormant in the back of my mind.
好玩吗？娘炮 Having fun, jerk wad?
我总是会幻想自己也能是个酷小伙儿 I've always imagined being cool.
噢 女士们 Mm, ladies.
不管是哪种酷都行 Whatever that was.
但我从来就没酷过 But as long as I can remember,I was anything but cool.
五 Five.
噢 我的天 Oh god.
接我一招 Some of this
再吃我一脚 Some of that.
来吧 Boom.
正是这时候 我第一次接触到电影《老兄》 And that's when I discovered The Mack.
永远不要忘了 And never forget.
这可是有史以来最棒的黑人崛起电影 The greatest blaxploitation movie
马克斯·朱利安和卡罗尔·斯皮德出演 of all time, with Max Julien and Carol Speed.
有史以来最棒的皮条客传记 Hands down, the best pimp movie ever.
未来它也会是最棒的 And it's gonna continue straight ahead.
直到有人 Until somebody out there
把咱们地球给毁灭了 turns out the lights on this small planet.
-你搞明白了吗？ -你搞明白了吗？ - Can you dig it? - Can you dig it?
嗯 Yeah, yeah.
我明白了 嗯 I can dig it, yeah.
-好极了 -好极了 好极了 Right on. - Right on, right on.
有些孩子想做医生 消防员 或是警察 Some kids wanted to be doctors, firemen, or policemen.
而我想做个皮条客 I wanted to be a pimp.
喔 Woo, woo.
皮！条！客！ A P-I-M-P, baby.
这其实还挺容易的 It's actually pretty easy to do.
二手商店一通采购 After a quick stop at the thrift shop
再穿几件外公的衣服 皮条客来也 wearin' your grandpa's clothes, it was on.
我的新行头 New pants for me.
好了好了 All right, all right.
嘿 你好啊 保利 Hey, I see you, I see you, Paulie.
嘿兄弟 来击个拳？ Hey man, wanna give it a pound?
没关系 你不必这么做 That's okay, you don't have to do that.
嘿 妹子 Hey girl.
你能看懂吗？ Can you dig it?
行吧 我喜欢你的微笑 很不错 Yeah, I like your smile, that's okay.
好了 大家伙都好吗？ Mmkay, how we doin', how we doin'?
嘿 伙计们 Hey playas.
我们去抓住他 Let's get him.
好吧 没错 Okay, yeah.
这招对我来说也不好使 That wasn't workin' out for me either.
像我这样的失败者 For a guy like me, all was lost.
我能得到的妞 The closest I got to getting a hot chick
只有八月刊女士珍妮弗·威尔逊 was Miss August,Jennifer Wilson.
我是个坏小子 I was so bad.
乔纳 给我开门！ Jonah, open the door!
我在刷牙 I'm brushin' my teeth!
妈 乔纳又在里面打手枪 Mom, Jonah's jerking off again!
上帝 看在耶稣的份上 Jesus, for the love of God.
-乔纳 给我开门 -你现在干扰我 Jonah, open the door! - You interrupting is just
只会更耽误时间 gonna make this last longer.
妈！ Mom!
乔纳 不许用我的毛巾！ Jonah, not on my good towels!
噢 我的老天爷 Oh, Jesus Christ.
乔纳 给老娘开门！ Jonah, open the door!
乔纳！ Jonah!
赶紧的 Hurry.
乔纳！ Jonah!
乔纳！该死的开门！ Jonah, open the damn door!
乔纳 就现在！ Jonah, right now!
我发誓你要是现在不过来开门 我... I swear to God if you don't come out of here right now I'm--
网络和社交媒体的出现 The emergence of the internet
改变了我的生活 and social media was a major game-changer.
像"Myspace"、谷歌、脸书、"BlackPlanet"等网站 It created millionaires and billionaires over night.
在一夜之间就造出了不少百万富翁甚至亿万富翁 With sites like MySpace,Google, Facebook, BlackPlanet
我爱死了"BlackPlanet" I loved BlackPlanet.
还有推特 And Twitter?
做技术宅现在成了一件很酷的事 Being a geek was now cool.
18岁的时候 我被雇佣到一家大型的软件公司工作 At 18, I got recruited to work for a big software company.
等到我21岁的时候 我已经名利双收了 By the time I was 21, I was loaded.
我的生活发生了完完全全的改变 And boy did my life change.
有谁要来一杯？ Who got shots?
有没有人想把我灌醉？好 Who's tryin' to get me drunk, okay?
我就像个摇滚巨星 I was a rockstar.
我们来干一杯 We're gonna cheers this.
至于高中的那些大块头们 The high school jocks
还在灰头土脸的找工作 were just dumb fucks looking for a job.
-噢 -好了 咱们上 - Ooh. - All right, let's do it.
我的光辉岁月终于到来 My time had finally come.
我决定让自己在历史上留下痕迹 I decided that I was gonna make my mark
利用这种势头开始我自己的事业 and capitalize on this new trend and start my own business.
是时候出发 踏上新的人生轨迹 It was time for me to step up and find my stride.
活出个样子 Be my own man.
就是这时 我遇到了那些莎伦们 That's when I met the Sharons.
真假三莎伦
我当时正在寻找好地方 I was looking for real estate
开展一些新企业 to start a new venture
就在这时我遇上了莎伦·克拉克 that's how I got entangled with Sharon Clark.
我叫她莎伦一号 I call her Sharon One.
嘿 Hey.
-进展顺利吗？ -挺好的 - Hi, how's it goin'? - Good.
你一定会爱死这个地方 So, I think you're gonna love this place.
它满足了你的所有期望 It's got all the amenities you were looking for.
面积超级大 It's got a large bullpen.
非常有创造力 It's very creative.
非常艺术 It's artsy.
很古怪 像你一样 It's quirky, just like you.
你真了解我 You know me well.
所以 参观完有什么打算吗？ So after this viewing,what are you doin'?
我不知道 I don't know.
你有什么提议？ What'd you have in mind?
没错 继续 Yeah, keep going.
对了 Yeah.
我的天 就是那儿 Oh my god, right there.
你能相信吗？ Can you believe it?
那是我 That's me.
风水轮流转对吧 Man, how things have changed.
继续 Keep going.
乔纳 Jonah.
喔 兄弟 你还好吗？ Whoa, man, are you okay?
她出轨了 She's cheating on me.
她他妈的出轨了 She's fucking cheating on me.
我抓个正着 I, I caught her red-handed.
-海瑟吗？ -没错 - Heather? - Yeah.
和谁？ - With who?
和他妈隔壁的邻居 With the fucking doing next door neighbor, man.
一个刚搬过来两个月的家伙 The guy who moved in like two months ago.
你不是说他是基佬吗？ I thought you said he was gay.
嗯 很明显他不是 Yeah, obviously he is not.
-海瑟？ -没错 - But Heather? - Yeah.
-真假的 她竟然会做这种事？ Really, of all people?
这世界到底是怎么了？ I mean, what is this world coming to?
这世界他妈的完蛋了 It's going down the fucking shitter.
我把一切都给她 只换来了心碎 I gave that girl everything,and she gave me heartburn.
去她的！ Fuck her!
别这么说 Don't say that.
去你的 我就要说 Fuck you, I'm saying it.
你总是说羡慕像我这样的爱情 You always say you wanna have what I have by being in love.
这就是真相 Well, this is it.
这就是他妈的我的爱情 This is what it fucking looks like!
这样！ This!
你把你的心给一个女人 You give your heart to a woman
她只会 摧毁它 and she just crushes it.
是啊 是啊 Yeah, yeah.
我 我被伤透了 兄弟 I, I am devastated, man.
我原本还打算娶那个女孩 I wanted to marry that girl.
可怜的德鲁 Poor Drew.
我知道那种感觉 I know that feeling.
我还记得第一个和我上床的女人 I remember the first woman I had sex with.
那个夺走我处男之身的女人 The first woman that took my virginity.
我当时爱惨了 I was so in love.
我们第一次做爱的时候我还哭了 I think I cried the first time we had sex.
-你要爱我 -我爱你 - You gonna love me! - I love you!
她叫提莎·拉克温达 Her name was Tisha LaQuanda
-德梅特里亚·海芬·琼斯 -你要爱我 Demetria hyphen Jones. - You gonna love me!
-我是极品 -我爱那个姑娘 I got the goods. - I loved that girl.
-喜欢吗？ -喜欢 - Do you like this? - Yeah.
-想要更多吗？ -想要 拜托了 - Do you want more? - Yeah, please.
-我的名字是什么？ -提莎 - What's my name? - Tisha.
-我叫什么？ -提莎·拉克温达 - What's my name? - Your name is Tisha LaQuanda!
-你最好喊着我的名字 -提莎·拉克温达 - You better tell me my name! - Tisha LaQuanda!
-再说一次 -提莎·拉克温达 - Say it again! - Tisha LaQuanda!
-你要爱我 -我爱你 - You gonna love me. - I love you.
-你要爱我 -嗯 好了 哦天 - You gonna love me. - Yeah, okay, oh god.
我可是极品 I got the goods, yeah.
那时候我就知道我恋爱了 That's when I knew I was in love.
因为那一刻 我哭了 Because at that moment,I started to cry.
那是我第一次哭 但不是最后一次 That was the first time I cried, but not the last.
她甩了我 She broke up with me.
找了个性感的瑞典小伙 Found some hot Swedish guy.
提莎 提莎 拜托别走 Tisha, Tisha, please don't go.
我得走了 I gotta go.
但是我爱你 But I love you!
我知道 那又怎么样 所有人都爱提莎·拉克温达 I know, everybody loves Tisha LaQuanda.
我是极品诶 I got the goods.
但是我得向前看 我得走了 But I gotta move on, I gotta go.
提莎！ Tisha!
提莎·拉克温达！ Tisha LaQuanda!
你可是我的小甜甜啊 You my shortie.
你有冰淇淋吗？ Do you have any ice cream?
我有奶昔 I got smoothies.
要吗？ Yeah?
那就奶昔了 I'll take a smoothie.
来吧 咱们给你弄点奶昔 好吗？ Come on, let's get you a smoothie, huh?
这么早走 库珀？ Where you goin' so early, Cooper?
咱们回见 3点对吗？ I'll see you, I'm seeing you at three, right?
嘿 你好啊 Hey, how are ya?
乔纳 Jonah.
兄弟 进展如何 还顺利吧？ My man, how we doin' there, you good?
挺好的 不过没你好 对吧？ Yeah, but not as good as you, right?
没错 Oh yeah.
受欢迎简直是我的新常态 Being popular was a new phenomenon.
嘿 伙计们 Hey guys.
-嘿 -嗨 - Hey. - Hi.
在什么世道 我居然会受欢迎？ In what universe would I be popular?
我办公室里的那人是谁？ Who is that in my office?
嗨 Hi.
噢 Oh.
抱歉 So sorry.
我只是在这儿看看风景 Just checking out the view.
嗯 我看出来了 Yeah, I can see that.
我是莎伦·李 I'm Sharon Lee.
接下来的几个星期将由你来指导我工作 You're supposed to be training me in the next few weeks.
对 没错 Yes, right.
就是今天 That was today.
抱歉 我是乔纳 Sorry, yeah, I'm Jonah.
乔纳·史密斯 I am Jonah Smith.
幸会 Nice to meet you.
我想我该让座了 I guess I should give you your desk back.
那太好了 That would be great.
谢谢你 Thank you.
心理学家说女人们 Psychologists say that women know
能在见第一面的时候就确定 if they will sleep with a man
是否会和该男性发生性关系 within moments of meeting him.
是一种叫信息素的生化物质决定的 It's biochemical synergy, pheromones.
是异性导致分泌的一种化学物质 The chemical secretion released by the opposite sex
能够增强彼此生理上的吸引力 that enhances physical attraction.
我是你的了 I'm all yours.
那是谁？ Who's that?
只是我的业务顾问 That's just my business advisor.
给我提供商业建议 She advises me on business.
还有一些其他的东西 And other things.
嗨 Hi.
-最终结果？ -当然 Final paperwork? - It sure is.
好极了 Awesome.
哦 你有客人 Oh, you have company.
嗨 我是莎伦 Hi, I'm Sharon.
真巧啊 What a coincidence.
我也是莎伦 I'm Sharon, too.
这就是她名字的由来 That's how she got her name:
莎伦二号 Sharon Two.
哦哇 你也是莎伦 Oh wow, you're a Sharon.
这几率得多小？ What are the chances?
没错 Yeah.
莎伦 这位是莎伦 Sharon, this is Sharon.
她将接手我的位置 She's replacing me.
完成培训即刻上岗 Right from the training program and into the fire.
不过我会指导你的 I'll be your guide, though.
哇偶 恭喜了 Wow, well, congratulations.
非常开心 Very exciting.
这是份不错的差事 It's a great gig.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我非常期待 I'm really looking forward to it.
莎伦 我们单独聊会儿吗？ Could we have one second, Sharon?
当然 没问题 Sure, no problem.
谢谢 Thank you.
所以 这位就是你的接班人 So, that's your replacement?
是啊 Yeah.
她很漂亮 She's beautiful.
怎么了 这是什么意思？ What, what does that mean?
少来了 乔纳 你已经和她睡过了吧 Come on, Jonah, you're already sleeping with her?
简直难以置信 That is unbelievable.
我没有 I'm not.
我绝对没有 I'm totally not.
事实上刚刚是我们的第一次见面 I just met her like a couple seconds ago.
好吧 但是据我所知 Well, what do I know?
你动作一向挺快的 You do move fast.
不过 这不是我该操心的事 But this has no concern to me.
我也不是你女朋友 I'm not your girl.
在这儿签字 Sign here.
这地方就是你的 踏上新征程了 The space is all yours,and you're on your way.
恭喜 Congratulations.
非常感谢 Thank you very much.
我就不妨碍你训练你的接班人了 Well, let me not keep you from training your replacement.
我们还是今晚见 对吗？ We're still on for tonight, right?
一起庆祝？ To celebrate?
当然 Absolutely.
好极了 到时候见 Great, see you then.
你瞧 这才叫庆祝 See, now that's how you celebrate.
没错 确实 Yeah, it is.
好吧 我想我该走了 Well, I better get outta here.
虽然我讨厌完事就走 I hate to hit and run.
你在说什么 你一直都是完事就走 What are you talkin' about,you always hit and run.
这个 Um.
你知道吗 事实上 我今晚没什么安排 You know, actually, I don't have anything to do tonight.
你想点一些中餐 If you wanna maybe order some Chinese food
然后一起看电视吗？ and watch some TV?
噢 Oh.
呃 Uh.
没事 当我没提 No, you know what,forget about it.
你确定吗？ You sure?
嗯 不要了 你有事要忙 我也还有事要忙 Yeah, no, you have things to do, and I have things to do.
-所以 没什么大不了的 -好的 好 So it's not a big deal. - Okay, all right.
没什么大不了 No biggie.
好了 那我有"需要"的时候 Okay, well, I guess I'll call you again
再给你打电话 嗯？ when I need some again, huh?
当然 一如既往 Like always.
那是什么东西？ What is that?
我不知道 I have no idea.
你倒是做点什么？ Will you do something?
好好好 Okay, okay, okay.
好了 镇定 Okay, hold on.
就在那儿 It's over there.
-好 -乔纳 看那个胳膊 - Yeah. - Jonah, the arm.
知道了 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
德鲁？ Drew?
见鬼 你在这儿做什么？ What the hell are you doin' here, man?
我差点就一棒子下去 I almost Louisville Slugger'd you.
你说这话什么意思？ What do you mean what am I doing here?
是你说我可以在这儿待几天 You said I could stay here for a couple of days
直到我想开了再走 until I figured something out.
没错 我是这么说过 Yes, I did say that.
我确实说过 抱歉 I said that, sorry.
莎伦 Sharon.
德鲁 你好吗？ Drew, how are you?
我糟透了 谢谢 I am terrible, thank you.
好吧 Okay.
他女朋友出轨了 His girlfriend is cheating on him.
你怎么不昭告全世界呢？ Tell the whole world, why don't you.
-抱歉 -行 - Sorry. - Okay.
这根棒子你还用吗？ Are you going to use that bat
不如借我给自己脑子来一棒 or can I use it to smash my brains out?
-我得走了 -不要 - I'm just gonna go. - No.
不是 好 下次见 No, okay, yeah, I'll see you.
-再见 -莎伦 - All right, bye. - Sharon.
-我再给你来电 -你哭起来是这种声音吗？ - I'll call you. - Is that how you cry?
人们总是在赶时间 It's amazing how people are always in a hurry
总是急于到达某处 always rushing to get somewhere in life.
你不禁好奇 意义何在？ You have to wonder,what's it all for?
进展反馈 What's the progress report?
我做得怎么样？ How am I doing?
噢 要我说实话？ Ooh, do I wanna be honest?
大实话 - Brutally.
我认为你已经不需要我了 I don't think you need me anymore.
我认为你已经准备好了 I think you're ready.
谢谢 Thanks.
所以基本上是这样 So that's basically it.
父母送我上私立学校 My parents put me through private school
我回报给他们一份上大学的全额奖学金 and I rewarded them with a full scholarship to college.
如今我在这儿 去往人生巅峰的路上 And here I am, on my way to the top.
科技界圈子很小 所以我接手你的工作 Tech world is small,so me taking your job
是件好事 that's good stuff.
没错 挺棒的 Yeah, that's awesome.
我就开门见山了 Let's get off topic a little bit here.
好啊 行 Okay, yeah.
你和你的业务顾问"疏通"多长时间了？ How long have you been screwing your business advisor?
你还好吗？ Are you okay?
嗯 抱歉 只是呛了一下 Yeah, sorry, just, wrong pipe.
谢谢 Thank you.
我可能太直接了 I can be too direct.
龙舌兰帮大忙了 Patron helps.
谢谢 Thanks.
所以 多长时间了？ So, how long?
你是怎么觉得我会和我的业务顾问 What makes you think I'm having sex
滚过床单啊？ with my business advisor?
通过那天你们俩 By the way you two were looking
看对方的眼神 at each other the other day.
你俩再努力也藏不住 You two couldn't hide the fact
一起睡过的事实 that you guys are fucking,even if you tried.
告诉你吧 Well, for your information
我并没有那个啥我的业务顾问 I am not F-wording my business advisor.
为什么不呢？ Why not?
她挺性感的 She's hot.
虽然有点老 但还是挺性感的 A little old, but still very hot.
她的活好吗？ Is she good?
你认真？ Really?
你没在开玩笑？ You're being serious?
你可以承认的 You can admit it.
一个成年男人和一个成年女人 You're a grown man having a grownup conversation
做些成年人的事 with a grown woman.
你可以和我说实话 You could be honest with me.
并没有 No.
没 Hmm-mm.
我不喜欢把工作和私人的事掺杂到一起 I don't like to mix business with pleasure.
我倒是觉得 你是时候这么做了 - Well, I think it's time you did.
你说什么？ Excuse me?
咱们摊开了说 Let's be honest.
这份工作压力又大耗时又长 This job is stressful and demands a lot of time.
这意味着我们跟合适的圈外人 Which means any chance of developing an outside relationship
发生关系的几率接近于0 with a decent individual is slime to none.
鉴于我们将要继续合作 And since we're only gonna be working together
大约两周多的时间 for another two,2 1/2 weeks tops
有何不可呢？ why not?
我说的不是那种走心的关系 只是各取所需 I'm not talking love, just a matter of convenience.
一种解压方式 A release.
我觉得工作搭上点私事真的挺棒的 I think a little business with pleasure is good.
所以 So.
你怎么说？ What do you think?
去谁的地方？ Your place or mine.
一周和两个莎伦发生关系 Two Sharons in one week.
这几率能有多大？ What are the odds of that?
我是星际迷航迷 如果我是史波克 I'm a Trekkie, so if I was Mr. Spock
我会仔细计算下这个几率 I would calculate it as being
天 我有时候确实挺古怪的 man, I'm weird sometimes.
我做爱时候想的都是什么事儿 The things I think about while having sex.
这种时候想其他事 Is it normal to think about so many different things
正常吗？ while having sex?
就像我的伪导师泰隆说的 It's like my pseudo-mentor Tyrone said.
听好了 年轻人 Listen up, Young Blood.
成为好情人的关键 The key to bein' a good lover
要好好维持而不过早破灭 maintainin' and not bustin' prematurely
想知道怎么做吗？ you wanna know what it is?
是的 请赐教 Yes, please.
很好 因为我会告诉你 Oh, good, 'cause I'm finna tell ya.
好的 Okay.
当你们都"坦诚相见" "水乳交融" While you all up in there, gettin' it on
"翻云覆雨"的时候 got your groove goin' and feelin' good
永远不要 就像安德烈3000说的 永远不要 don't ever, like Andre 3000 say, ever-ever--
永远不要 Ever-ever.
永远不要去想这感觉有多美妙 Don't ever think about how good it feels.
那是绝对不可以的 That's a no-no.
不妨想想你的车 You think about your car.
想想明天该干些什么 And then think about what you're gonna do tomorrow.
算下你的税款 Organizing your taxes.
什么都行 除了你正在做的事 Anything but what you're doing.
你得挪开你的注意力 Man, you've gotta distract your mind.
我得转移注意力 I need to distract my mind.
一切的关键都在注意力 It's all about the mind.
因为不管她多投入多疯狂 'Cause while she's all into it and goin' crazy
你得保持专注 you've got to keep your concentration.
你得稳住你自己 You've got to keep your game on tight.
稳住自己 I've gotta keep it tight.
你得把控住自己的管子 You've got to hold your load.
我会把控住的 I'm gonna hold it.
你可不能秒射 You don't wanna be no minute man.
嗯嗯 No.
关键就在于 想想其他的事 The key is, think about somethin' else.
等下 Wait.
和美女做爱的时候想着一个黑人老哥 Is it odd, me thinking about a black guy
是不是很奇怪？ while having sex with a hot girl?
没错 是有点怪异 Yeah, that's kinds weird.
好了 想点别的 Okay, somethin' else.
我明天午餐吃点什么呢？ What am I gonna eat for lunch tomorrow?
噢 Oh.
我的天 Oh my god.
好了 起来 Okay, get up.
从我身上挪开 Get off me.
好 Okay.
哇偶 乔纳 Wow, Jonah.
你挺厉害的 You are good.
但是现在你得走了 But now you gotta go.
这么快？ Already?
让我先喘口气 好吗？ Let me catch my breath first, huh?
不行 乔纳 No can do, Jonah.
不可以 No can do.
我得睡我的美容觉了 I need my beauty rest.
而且美国偶像还有15分钟就开播了 所以朋友 And American Idol's on in 15 minutes, so hey.
赶紧的 Come on!
-走 -行 Let's go! - Okay!
行 Okay.
拜 明天见 Bye, I'll see you tomorrow.
嗯 好 我... Yeah, yeah, okay, I'll, uh--
-谢了 -我们明天... - Thanks. - I'll see you tomorrow at--
我想可以说 从那之后 I guess you can say,from that point on
我和莎伦二号开始了一段特别的下班后关系 Sharon Two and I developed a particular after-work routine.
我压力超大 I'm stressed.
-看着我！ -我在看！ - Look at me! - I'm looking at you.
-我在看 -看着我 I'm looking. - Look at me!
没眼镜我看不清 Look, I can't without my glasses.
什么意思 No idea what that means.
-别停 -好 很好 - Don't stop! - Okay, yeah, great.
接下来有什么安排？ What are you doing later?
哦 棒 Oh yeah.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
噢 对了 Oh, uh-huh.
对了 对了 Uh-huh, uh-huh.
没错 我的天 往左 Yeah, oh my god, to the left.
-左边 -这儿？ The the left. - There?
-没错 -好 - Uh-huh. - Yeah.
-绕个圈 -好 - Do the swirl. - Okay.
-噢 好好做 - Oh, do it right.
-你给我好好做 -好好做 You better do it right. - Do it right.
好好做！ Do it right!
不如把你它交给我 我来审阅下 So why don't you hand it to me, I'll review it
我相信你做的很棒了 and I'm sure it's gonna be great.
然后我们再来看看接下来做什么 Uh, and we'll see where to take it from there.
听起来不错 That sounds good.
-我先去洗手间了 -好 I'm gonna go to the restroom. - Deal.
-好了 很好 -好 Okay, cool. - Okay.
-拜 -午餐时候见 Bye. - I'll see at lunch.
拜 Bye.
在交配时 能量补给是很关键的 Energy supplements are crucial when engaging in copulation
特别是像我这么高频率的 at such high frequencies as I was.
这些够了 对吗？ This is enough, right?
我可没开玩笑 Who was I kidding.
就这频率哥快被榨干了 I couldn't keep up this pace.
我需要逃离一下 I needed a getaway.
你好 要再来杯卡布奇诺吗？ Hello, would you like another cappuccino?
-好 -就在我以为 Okay, awesome. - And just when I thought
我找到了绝佳的藏身地的时候 事情就这么发生了 I'd found the perfect hideaway spot, it happened.
-我就是这么撞上她的 -好极了 That's when I ran into her. - Awesome.
或者说 她撞上我 Or rather, she ran into me.
我的天 真抱歉 Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.
不敢相信 我... I cannot believe I just--
没关系没关系 That's all right,it's all right, it's--
不 有关系 No, no, it's not all right.
我弄脏了你的外套 I've ruined your jacket.
我会支付你的干洗费 I will pay for the dry cleaning.
没什么大不了的 没事 It's not a big deal, it's fine.
没事的 真的 没事 It's okay, really, it's okay.
等等 Wait, wait, wait.
别走 Don't leave.
让我补偿你 Um, let me make it up to you.
没关系 没事 It's okay, it's cool.
还是谢谢你 Thank you, though.
你确定吗？ Are you sure?
这儿的咖啡很棒的 I mean the coffee here is great.
而且我们有最好的红丝绒馅饼 And we have the best red velvet whoopie pies.
以及有史以来最棒的复古迷幻体验 And the absolute best retro psychedelic feel ever.
那是什么片子？ What movie is that?
《多麦特》 Dolemite.
-鲁迪·雷·穆尔演的 -嗯 Rudy Ray Moore. - Yeah.
超酷的 It's badass.
我们有功夫片 甚至猫王的电影 We've got kung-fu,even Elvis flicks.
所有东西都很复古 Everything retro.
那时候我发现 That's when I knew
她有些特别 she was something special.
这就是敢惹我的下场 你这个游手好闲 For fuckin' with me, you no-business
软蛋杂种 born-insecure motherfuckers.
嗨 抱歉 Hi, sorry.
我的天 真的抱歉 Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.
我竟然又这么做了 I, I cannot that I just did that again.
好吧 咖啡不错 - Okay, it's good coffee.
馅饼也挺美味的 Yeah, and the whoopie pie's delicious, too.
听着 我知道你们刚开张 Look, I know you guys just opened.
你可能刚到这儿工作 You probably just started workin' here.
但是我得和这儿的经理谈谈 But I gotta talk to the manager.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
不 我完全理解 No, I, I totally understand.
等我一会儿 我去叫她 Just give me two seconds and I'll get her
-好吗 -行 - okay? - All right.
真的抱歉 稍等 I'm really sorry, I just...
嗨 我是这儿的经理 Hi, I'm the manager.
你就是经理？ You're the manager?
也是店主 And the owner.
你好吗 先生？ How are you, sir?
这是你的地方？ This is your place.
没错 都是我的 Yep, all mine.
我再次表达诚挚的歉意 把咖啡洒在了你身上 I'm really sorry, again, for just spilling coffee on you
还朝你扔了个派 and putting a whoopie pie in your lap.
再给我一次机会 好吗 Just give me one more chance, okay.
我感觉很过意不去 I feel terrible.
行 再一次机会 Yeah, one more chance.
最后一次机会 One more chance.
事不过三嘛 Sometimes third time's the charm.
是啊 有时候是 Yeah, sometimes.
我还不知道你的名字 I, uh, I didn't catch your name.
抱歉 我是乔纳 Sorry, I'm Jonah.
嗨乔纳 我是 Hi Jonah, I'm--
莎伦 三点 Sharon, three.
她的名字叫莎伦·哈德森 Her name was Sharon Hudson.
但是我叫她莎伦三号 But I just called her Sharon Three.
三点干嘛？ Three what?
那兄弟明天3点 The guy's coming tomorrow at three
过来修路由器 to fix the wireless router.
三点？我需要他早点来 Three, I need him to come earlier.
好了 这不是你的错 Okay, not your fault.
稍等一会儿别挂电话 好吗 Just hold on one second, okay.
我一会儿就把你的咖啡带过来 Um, I will be right back with your coffee.
我得去处理下这个 I just need to handle that
否则我得把外面免费WiFi的牌子取下来了 otherwise I'm gonna have to take down that free Wi-Fi sign.
好的 Okay.
这又是多大的几率 在我的生活中拥有不止一个两个 What are the odds of having not one or two
而是三个叫莎伦的美女 but three hot Sharons in my life.
这个世界到底在向我传达什么信息 What is the universe trying to tell me.
嘿 稳住脚步 Hey, steady feet.
-喔哦 -稳住 - Uh-oh. - Steady feet.
她来了 Here she comes.
她来了 就快到了 Here she comes, almost there.
你就快做到了 You're almost there.
快做到了 Almost there.
-不错啊 -哒哒 - Hey. - Ta-da.
-这就对了 -第三次说不定能成嘛 - There you go. - Third time's the charm.
我还给你带了餐巾 And I brought you some of these.
-谢谢你 -你可能需要两条 - Thank you. - You might need a couple.
-谢谢 -至少请让我 - Thanks. - The very least I can do
支付你的干洗费 is pay for your dry cleaning.
不用 没关系 Hmm-mm, not a big deal.
呃 Um.
但我想到一个 But I have been thinkin' about a way
让你补偿我的办法 maybe you could pay me back.
是吗？ Is that so?
没错 请坐 听我说完 Yeah, yeah, sit down, hear me out.
请给我几分钟 Just give me a couple minutes.
你有两分钟时间 这儿越来越忙了 You've got two,it's gettin' busy.
好了 关于我补偿你的方式 你有什么提议？ All right, now, how do you propose I pay you back?
一起吃晚饭 Have dinner.
真的吗？ Really?
和我的一个朋友 With a friend of mine.
你朋友？ Your friend?
没错 听我说完 Yeah, hear me out.
他长得不丑 Look, he's not ugly, okay.
也不是屌丝一类的人 He's not a loser or anything like that.
只是埋头于工作 He's just been buried in his work
而且有段时间没约会过了 and he hasn't really hit the dating game in awhile.
大概两个礼拜 Like two weeks.
两礼拜？ Two weeks?
两年 Two years.
我刚刚是说的两周吗？ Did I say two weeks?
口误 我的意思是两年 I meant two years.
只是感觉恍如昨日 It just feels like yesterday
他借宿在我家 哭得昏天黑地 that he was banngin' on my door, crying his eyes out.
噢 那真惨 Oh, that's awful.
没错 确实挺糟的 Yeah, it is terrible.
我觉得你可能就是那个 And I think you might be the girl
能让他战胜怯懦的女孩 to break him out of his funk.
这只是一次约会 This is just a date.
你表现得像是要去看牙医 You're acting like you're goin' to the dentist.
我一直在跟你说 我还没准备好再开始一段 I keep telling you that I'm not ready to be dating again.
行 但是我们得在这儿做点什么吧 Okay, well, we're gonna have to do somethin' here.
你得停止一直想着海瑟 Okay, you've gotta get your mind of of Heather.
我给你介绍的这个女孩 她很机灵 And this girl,okay, she's sharp.
很漂亮 She's pretty.
她有自己的生意 She owns her own business.
她举止端庄大方 Okay, she's got her act together.
嘿 你应该感谢我 Hey, if anything, you should be thanking me
撮合你们俩 for hooking you guys up.
她很完美 She's perfect.
如果她这么完美 你怎么不跟她约会？ Well, if she's so perfect,why aren't you dating her?
我是可以 可以 I mean, I could, I could.
我只是还没准备好约会像她那样的女孩 I just, I'm not ready to date a girl like her.
至少现在还没有 Not yet anyway.
真有意思 That's interesting.
是什么让你觉得我就准备好了 So what makes you think that I'm ready
去跟这样的一个女孩子约会？ to date a girl like that?
这个... Well,.
对吧 Exactly.
我走了 I'm outta here.
等下兄弟 你要去哪儿？ Hold up, man, where are goin'?
我要离开这儿 请你放开我 I'm getting out of here,would you let go of me, please.
不行兄弟 现在还不行 No, man, not yet.
你至少得跟她见一面 I mean, you have to meet her at least.
我不玩了 而且你知道吗？ I'm out, and you know what?
她的名字叫莎伦 这很诡异 Her name is Sharon,okay, it's weird.
就像是你的某种恋物癖 It's like that name is your fetish or something.
或许他说得对 Maybe that was it.
有人有恋手癖 或者是恋足癖 Some people have a hand fetish or a feet fetish.
我或许是有一个"恋名字癖"？ Could it be that I have a name fetish?
德鲁 停下 Drew, stop.
如果你不见见这个女孩 I will kick you out of my house
我就把你从我房子里赶出去 if you do not meet this girl.
-放开我 -我正在放手 - Get off of me! - I'm getting off of you.
坐下就是了 Sit down.
-你就坐下来喝一杯 -你疯了 You're gonna have one drink. - You're crazy.
我已经喝了九杯了 I've had nine.
-你给我放手 -不要 兄弟 Just get off me. - No, man.
我们现在看起来很疯狂 We look crazy right now.
你俩看上去确实挺疯的 You two do look crazy.
嗨 Hi.
嗨 事情不是你看上去的那样 Hi, this isn't what it looks like.
我可看不出这是个什么样 I couldn't even guess what this looks like.
顺便说下 抱歉我迟到了 And I'm sorry I was late, by the way.
嗨 乔纳 Hi Jonah.
嗨 莎伦 你好吗？ Hi Sharon, how are you?
挺好的 I'm good.
真的 真的挺好的 I'm really, really good.
呃 这就是我跟你说的那个很棒的家伙 Um, this is the great guy I was telling you about.
-对 -德鲁 - Right. - Drew.
德鲁 这就是那个可爱的女士 莎伦 Drew, this is the lovely lady, Sharon.
嗨 德鲁 很高兴见到你 Hi Drew, it's, uh,nice to meet you.
抱歉 他现在脑子有点不清楚 Sorry, he's being kind of a dickhead right now.
我很抱歉 莎伦 I'm sorry, Sharon.
抱歉 乔纳 And I'm sorry, Jonah.
好吗 我很抱歉 Okay, I'm sorry.
我不属于这儿 好吗 I don't, I don't belong here, okay.
我需要 我需要离开这儿 I need to, I need to get out of here.
-嘿 兄弟 -别碰我！ - Hey buddy-- - Don't touch me!
抱歉 Sorry.
所以 So.
那就是德鲁了？ So that's Drew.
是的 Yep.
-我们得去追上他 对吗？ -没错 抱歉 - We should get him, right? - Yeah, yeah, sorry.
德鲁！ Drew!
我的意思是 Okay, so what I was saying was
我认为你根本不需要害怕 is I don't think you should be scared at all.
喔哦 等下 我才没有害怕 Whoa, hold on, I'm not scared.
我只是紧张 好吗 I'm nervous, okay.
别这么严格好吗 I mean, cut me some slack.
我刚辞掉了一份舒适的工作 走向未知空间 I'm leaving a very comfortable job for the, for the unknown.
这就是有趣的地方啊 That's the fun part.
未知空间就是有趣的地方 I mean, the unknown is the fun part.
-好吧 -三年前 我说 - Yeah. - Three years ago, I said
我要开一家自己的咖啡店 I'm gonna open up my own coffee shop.
现在 看看我 Now look at me.
三年零 Three years and like
五六个月 five, six months later
我有了自己的复古风咖啡馆 I have my very own retro coffee shop.
那是挺厉害的 Well, that's awesome.
很厉害 That's awesome.
-谢谢 -嗯 - Well, thanks. - Yeah.
我也有过很棒的工作 就那么离职了 You know, I had a great job, too, that I just left.
有时候你得推自己一把 You know, sometimes you've just gotta jump out there, man.
你得放手去做 You've just gotta do it
-懂吗？ -嗯 -you know? - Yeah.
你得跟随自己的内心 You've gotta follow your heart.
去做你喜欢的事 乔纳 You've gotta do what you love, Jonah.
没错 好吧好吧 Yeah, okay, okay.
这就对了 Yeah.
我很认真的 I'm being serious.
我知道你是认真的 很感谢 I know you are, I know, I appreciate that.
通常像这样 当我觉得被某人吸引的时候 Now, normally, when I feel this attracted to someone
像这种时候 就该是性爱时间了 this connected, it's time to have sex.
事实上 男人们只有两档 开启和关闭 The fact is, guys have two speeds: on and off.
并没有中间地带 There's no middle ground.
但奇怪的是 我当时并不想和她做爱 But the weird thing was,I didn't wanna have sex.
我只想好好看着她 I just wanted to look at her.
见鬼 - Damn.
听上去你像是恋爱了 年轻人 Sound like you in love, Young Blood.
-没有啦 -没有？ - No. - No?
一个男人愿意听女人 The only time a man wanna listen
说那些鬼话的理由只有 to what the hell a woman got to say is
他想占点便宜或者恋爱了 if he's tryin' to get some or he's in love.
现在事情是这样的 Now, here's the rule,this is how you know.
如果你已经和她上了床 If you just finished havin' sex with her
你还是关心她说的那些鬼话 and you're still interested in what the fuck she got to say
那就板上钉钉了 well, here you go home skillet.
你恋爱了 You in love.
我现在恋爱了 I'm in love right now.
能来个电臀舞吗 宝贝儿？ Can you twerk it, baby?
用它鼓个掌 宝贝儿 Make it clap, baby.
我的天呐 Oh my lord.
我得告诉你兄弟 这招真不错 Oh, I gotta tell you, this was a great idea, man.
你真的很懂怎么安慰你的哥们儿 You really know how to make a brother feel better.
没错 There you go.
我懂你的 大家伙 I got you, big guy.
我爱上你了 I'm in love with you.
你结婚了吗？ Are you married?
我喜欢黑胶唱片 The thing about vinyl
它放出来的音乐听起来很不一样 the music just sounds different.
很亲近 很真实 Real, authentic.
所以当我需要静下心来思考的时候 我不会去听CD或者MP3 So when I need to think,it's not CDs or MP3s
而是播放一张黑胶唱片 it's plain old fashioned vinyl.
身临其境的感觉 Analog rules.
那些上一个时代的老歌 There's something about old music, in a time before my time
很打动我 that just intrigues me.
莎伦三号 Sharon Three.
我得再见她一次 I gotta see her again.
-嘿 -你认真的吗？ - Hey. - Are you serious?
我一直在给你打电话 I've been calling you.
你在干嘛？ Where have you been?
抱歉 我刚刚在听音乐 Sorry, I've just kinda been listenin' to music.
估计是没听到手机铃响 I mustn't have heard.
我需要你 I need you.
快过来 Get over here.
说实话 我有点打算 Honestly, I'm kinda just plannin'
今晚待在家 on maybe stayin' in for the night.
乔纳 Jonah.
好吧 Yeah.
好吧 行 Yeah, okay.
我马上过去 I'll, uh, I'll be right over.
你在跟我玩啥呢？ What are you tryin' to do to me?
想"饿死"我吗？ Starve me?
哭过 Cried before.
希尔蒂？ Hildy?
我以为你要把我打发走 I thought you were really sending me away
去和布鲁斯一起 with Bruce.
呃 走开？ Um, move.
-我看上去怎么样？ -你看上去棒呆了 - How do I look? - You look great.
-真的？ -当然 - I do? - Absolutely.
现在你能让开了吗？ Now can you please move?
嗯 哦 抱歉 Yeah, sorry, yeah, man.
我们过去喝杯咖啡 We're coming over to the office.
你可以做总编辑 You could be managing editor.
我今晚和她出去约会你没意见吧？ You're okay with me goin' out with her tonight, right?
兄弟 我为什么要有意见？ Dude, why would I have a problem with that?
因为我曾经想撮合你们 Because, you know, I tried to set you guys up.
我不想你觉得我在背后捅了你一刀 I don't want you to think I'm stabbin' you in the back.
噢 你讲真吗 兄弟？ Oh, dude, really, seriously?
请赶紧去吧 玩得开心 Please go out, have a good time.
你们俩简直天生一对 You guys are perfect for each other.
我都看到你们之间的火花了 I saw the chemistry
而且现在 你又挡着我看电视了 and now you're in front of the TV again.
我正尝试着用加里·格兰特 Okay, I'm trying to distract my mind
转移我的注意力 with my man Cary Grant here.
所以麻烦你让开 So if you could just please move.
让开 好 Moving, yes.
让开 懂了 Moving, got it, okay.
嘿 谢谢你 Hey, thank you.
-祝我好运吧？ -祝你好运 Wish me luck. - Good luck.
好兄弟 You're the man.
这是巧合吗 Well, isn't that a coincidence.
我们要去奥尔巴尼了 我想布鲁斯 We're going to Albany,I wonder if Bruce
-能给我们找个住的地方 -女佣在哪儿呢？ can put us up. - Where is that maid?
我需要借个奶子哭一场 I need a bosom to cry into.
噢 快看这个部分 Oh, oh-oh-oh, watch this part.
我超爱这一部分 I love this part.
准备好了？ Ready?
他的眼神开始变得疯狂了 He's got that crazy look in his eye.
要开始了 要开始了 Wait for it, wait for it.
-准备 他上了 -我等着呢 - Ready, here he goes. - I'm waiting.
哦 这一脚可真疼 Oh, that is so tight.
这一脚真邪恶 That was wicked.
邪恶！ Wicked!
我喜欢这个形容词 I love that.
我们能再看一遍这部分吗？ Can we see that part again?
当然可以了 Hell yeah.
-当然了 -嗯 - Hell yeah. - Yeah.
-好了 -调出来 - Okay, okay. - Yeah, cue it up.
-再来一遍 -嗯哼 - One more time. - Mm-hmm.
再来 And again.
太酷了 It's so cool.
看这个 他要敲他了 Watch this, he's gonna clock him.
-等着 -嗯 Check it out. - Uh-huh, mm-hmm.
全部 All of them.
-噢！ -看这个 准备好了？ - Oh! - Lookit, ready?
牙全打出来了 All of his teeth.
天 越回顾越精彩 Gosh, it really gets better,even the second time.
-是吧？ -迷上他了吗？ - How's that? - Got him?
嗯 我迷上他了 Yeah, I got him.
我迷上他了 I got him.
说真的 《卧虎藏龙》 Really, though, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
现代最好的功夫片 best kung-fu movie of modern times.
最好的？ Best?
-你确定是最好的？ -噢 乔纳 承认吧 The best? - Oh, Jonah, come on.
我喜欢经典的片子 比如李小龙的《唐山大兄》 I love the classics, like,like Bruce Lee in The Big Boss
成龙的《蛇形刁手》 or Jackie Chan in Snake in the Eagle's Shadow.
-完全赞同 -还有元彪的 - Totally, totally. - I mean, Yuen Biao
-《败家仔》 -《败家仔》 完全同意 - in the Prodigal Son. - Prodigal Son, totally.
-当然了 -当然 超级喜欢 - Of course, yes, of course. - Absolutely, yes, okay.
我的天 Oh my god.
还有梁家仁的《霍元甲》 Leung Kar Yan in Legend of a Fighter.
我他妈爱死《霍元甲》 I fucking love Legend of a Fighter.
-真的吗？ -你在逗我吗？ - Really? - Are you kidding me?
-绝对的 -我的天 Yes. Oh my gosh.
-我超爱那部电影 -没错 - I love that movie. - Yes.
它是我的最爱之一 It is one of my all-time favorites.
我超爱经典片 所有流派的 I love all the classics,though, man, any genre.
我感觉自己有一个旧时代的灵魂 I feel like I have an old soul, you know.
我感觉自己就像70年代的转世灵童 I think I was reincarnated from the '70s.
我的天 我也是 Oh my gosh, me too.
说真的 我总是这么说 I mean, I literally, I say that all the time, you know.
如果活在那个时代就太棒了 It was such a chill time to have lived.
没错 Yes.
没错 谢谢 Yes, thank you!
他们的衣服和风格 I mean, the clothes and the style
语言以及一切 and the language,the whole thing.
我的天 我懂 不是吗？ Oh my gosh, I know, right?
噢 感觉真好 Oh, so good.
没错 Yeah.
好了 我就"开门见象"地说了 Okay, I am just gonna go straight to elephant in the room.
这儿有大象吗？ There's an elephant in the room?
我咋没看到 它坐哪儿呢？ I didn't see, where is, where's he at?
好了 Okay.
我要说的是 Here it is.
你单身吗？ Are you single?
在那一刻 我原本可以诚实一点 At that moment, I could have been honest
坦诚一些 以避免日后可能发生的危机和心碎 and avoided potential heartache and just been upfront.
但取而代之 我说的却是 But instead I said
是啊 yep.
我是 Yeah.
单身 Single.
呃 那你呢？ Uh, what about you?
我也是单身哦 I am single also.
有意思有意思 - Interesting, interesting.
我想问 你有在和谁尝试接触 I mean, are you, like,you know, talking to anyone
或者那种 炮友关系吗？ or have any of those,like, casual relationships?
如果你有也完全没问题的 I mean, totally fine if you are.
只是出于好奇问一下 You know, just asking and only curious, you know.
我只是想知道 I just wanna know.
你知道 你完全可以跟我说实话 You know, you can totally be honest with me.
我是贼开明的女孩子 I am a, I'm a big girl.
嗯 Yeah.
说实话 我一直在忙事业 所以没有这类事 Honestly, I have been so focused on my career, I haven't
很难遇见什么人 it's hard to meet people.
我没这个时间 I don't have the time.
我们是一类人 你和我 We're in the same boat, you and I.
-是吗？ -你说得对 - Yeah? - I mean, you're right.
整天都很忙 It is really hard to meet people
确实很难去遇见什么人 when you're busy all the time.
-嗯 -从今晚算起 - Yeah. - I mean, before tonight
我大概有六个月左右没来过餐厅吃饭了 I haven't been in a restaurant in like six months.
你在逗我吗？ Are you kidding me?
-那可真疯狂 -我知道 That's crazy. - I know, right?
我简直像是住在餐厅里 I, like,live in restaurants.
什么？那你都做些什么？ What, what do you do?
一个人吃饭吗？ Like, eat by yourself or something?
是也不是 我通常打包带走 No, yeah, I mean, I do takeout.
事实是：当你撒了一个谎 Fact: when you tell one lie
你得再说两个谎圆回来 you have to tell two to cover up the first.
当你一旦踏上那条路 就覆水难收了 But when you start down that road, like a rollercoaster
开弓没有回头箭 there's no stopping until the end of the ride.
我讨厌对她撒谎 老天 I hated lying to her, man.
但是你却这么做了 And yet, you did.
我不得不 不能告诉她真相 I had to, I couldn't tell her the truth.
是吗 呵呵 Hmm, that's seems
-呵呵 -我约了她明天见面 hmm. I'm seeing her tomorrow.
嗯 很不错 Mm, outstanding.
这样下去不会有好结果的 你自己也清楚 This can't end well,you know that obviously.
怎么说？ Why not?
呃 三个叫莎伦的女孩子 Um, three girls named Sharon.
需要我解释？ Need I explain.
你还不懂？ You still don't get it?
你还要我详细给你解释下？ You need me to explain more?
好了 我要去睡觉 All right, all right,I'm goin' to bed.
睡觉去 Goin' to bed.
尽情享受你的低俗生活吧 朋友 Have fun living the low life, my friend.
因为你会下地狱的 'Cause you're goin' the hell!
知道了 谢谢提醒 Uh-huh, thanks, man.
有趣 性福的地狱 A fun, highly sexual hell.
也还是地狱 But hell nonetheless.
你怎么会没有女朋友 乔纳·史密斯？ So how come you don't have a girlfriend, Jonah Smith?
我不知道 I don't know.
你不害怕孤独吗？ Aren't you afraid of being alone?
我会害怕 I am.
我害怕有一天我已经老了 You know, I'm afraid one day I'll be old
却没有好好体验过生活或者还没有找到真爱 never having experienced life or found my true love
我将孤独终老 and I'm gonna die alone.
独自死去 All alone.
在养老院度过晚年 In a nursing home.
那可真是个悲伤的故事 That's really sad.
我知道 I know.
可不是吗 I know, right?
我想这可能就是我为什么这么喜欢老人吧 I mean, I think it's why I like old people so much.
我感觉和他们有某种情感连接 It's like, like I think I can relate.
这也是我为什么喜欢复古 I mean, that's why I'm so into retro.
你为什么喜欢复古？ Why do you like retro?
我不知道 I don't know.
可能因为它是一种避风港 Maybe 'cause it's an escape.
你懂吗？ You know?
那你在逃避些什么？ So what are you escaping from?
我们都有藏在心底的恐惧 We all have secret fears.
你的是什么？ What's yours?
我觉得我没有 I don't think I have any.
骗子 Liar.
这只表明你在回避它们 All that means is you're avoiding them.
把它们藏得深不可见 Hidden them so deep you ignored them.
停下！ Stop!
救救我！ Help!
拜托 放开我！ Please, leave me alone!
我们能谈谈别的吗？ Can we talk about something else?
当然 Yeah.
嗯 你没必要告诉我 Yeah, you don't have to tell me.
等你准备好的时候再说 Whenever you're ready.
你之前做过吧 对吗？ You've done this before, right?
你看上去像个处男 I mean, you look like you might be a virgin.
性感的书呆子类型 The hot, nerdy type.
多加点蜡烛？ More candles?
来点我收藏的古典音乐？ And some music from my retro collection?
好了 别紧张 Okay, don't be nervous.
我表现出像是我第一次的样子 Is it bad that I acted
是不是很坏？ as though it was my first time?
但她看起来很开心 She seemed so happy about it
所以我就顺水推舟了 so I just went with it.
我开始有点懂我在女人们心中的形象了 I guess I'm beginning to understand my appeal to women.
不具威胁力 天真而无辜 Nonthreatening, young and naive-looking.
大帅哥和肌肉男可能有危险 Hunks and jocks can be dangerous.
而我是安全的 I was safe.
好了 Okay.
嘿 Hey.
有时间吗？ Got some time?
呃 有 Uh, yeah.
你有什么需要？ Sure, what do you need?
你是说除了显而易见的需要之外？ Besides the obvious?
你会想念这地方的 对吗？ You're gonna miss this place, huh?
嗯 我想会的 Yeah, I think I am.
我在这儿有过不少乐趣 I had some fun here.
我希望我们工作上的分离 I hope us parting ways in the business sense
不会妨碍我们取乐 doesn't keep us from having fun.
不会 No.
不会 我喜欢我们的模式 No, I like our arrangement.
你打给我约炮 我就过去 You call me for sex, I come over.
不会变的 Can't beat that.
想变都不行 Not even if you tried.
-哈喽 -嘿 - Hello. - Hey.
你在这儿干嘛？ What are you doin' here?
你说你在办公室 I know you said you were at office
我就顺路过来看看 so, thought I'd stop by.
你好啊 Hello.
嗨 Hi.
说实话 现在真不是时候 莎伦 Honestly, this, this isn't the best time, though, Sharon.
我正在打包东西 而且我快迟到了 I'm, I'm tryin' to wrap things up, and I'm late.
我的兄弟们 他们 And, and my buddies, they, um
他们想今晚带我出去庆祝 they wanna take me out tonight, too, to celebrate.
-所以 -你猜怎么着？ So-- - Oh, well, you know what?
这正是我来这儿的原因 That's actually why I'm here.
嗯 莎伦 我真的.. Yeah, Sharon, I really--
噢 Oh.
你好呀 小兄弟 Hello, friend.
莎伦 别这样 我... Sharon, come on, I, I--
噢 你喜欢这样 - Oh, you like that.
没错 是有一点 但是 Yeah, I'm a little bit, but--
在我得到我想要的东西之前 我是不会让你走的 - I'm not letting go until I get what I want.
噢 Oh.
噢 老天 Oh god.
噢 好孩子 Oh, oh, good boy.
我一直不理解 I never understood
活都是男人做的 为啥女人会上气不接下气 why women get out of breath when men do all the work.
就是那儿 不对 对对 就是那儿 Right there, no, right,right there.
肯定跟心脏血管有关 It must be a cardiovascular issue.
结束之后我得百度一下 I have to Google that when I'm done.
对了 好孩子 Yes, oh, good boy.
好孩子 Good boy.
看 这才是办公室正确打开方式 不是吗？ See, that's how you break in an office, right?
好吧 Okay.
你知道吗 你今晚应该让我带你出去庆祝 You know, you should let me take you out tonight.
我知道有一家不错的小餐厅 I know this nice little restaurant.
那儿有点浪漫的氛围 评论上都这么说 I mean, it's kind of romantic,that's what the reviews say.
但在那儿庆祝你的新事业也算不错 But it'd be a nice way to celebrate your new venture.
我已经和我的兄弟们约了 记得吗？ I'm hangin' out with my buddies, remember?
噢 对 Oh, right.
那或许明天吧 Well, maybe tomorrow.
嗯嗯 或许吧 Yeah, yeah, maybe.
莎伦二号？ Sharon Two?
嘿 我女朋友的车坏了 取消掉了约会 你快来我这来一发
噢 我就知道 Oh, I knew it.
嘿 你还好吗？ Hey, how'd it go in there?
还行 All right.
哈喽？ Hello?
嘿 妈 Hey mom.
你好 Hello.
妈 这是莎伦 Mom, this is Sharon.
-莎伦 这是我妈 玛丽 -嗨 很高兴 Sharon, this is my mom, Mary. - Hi, it's so nice
-见到你 -叫我玛丽就行 - to meet you. - You can just call me Mary.
我的朋友们都叫我玛丽 My friends call me Mary.
噢 挺棒的 Oh, wonderful.
我一直缠着这位 I have been bugging this one
-把我介绍给你 -我知道 我很开心 to introduce me to you, so. - I know, I'm so glad.
-好耶 -琳达 琳达 - Yay. - Linda, Linda.
莎伦 这是我姐姐琳达 还有她的三个孩子 Sharon, this is my sister Linda and her, uh, three kids.
嘿 大家 Hey guys.
我姐姐在18岁嫁给了一个橄榄球运动员 My sister married a football jock at 18.
在她23岁的时候 她有了3个孩子和一个永远找不到人的老公 At 23, she had three kids and an absentee dad.
运动员是最烂的父亲 Jocks make the worst fathers.
直到宝宝降生前 他们都是游戏态度 It's all fun and games until the babies come.
然后现实的打击迎面而来 她结果落得要搬回家和老妈一起住 Then reality hits and you gotta move back home with mom.
-嗨 我是莎伦 -嗨 - Hi, Sharon. - Hi.
幸会 Nice to meet you.
-幸会 -我喜欢你的项链 - Nice to meet you. - I like that necklace.
看起来很贵 Looks expensive.
噢 这个原本是我妈的 Oh, it was my mom's.
汉堡店的工作怎么样？ How's that job at the burger joint?
很好 It's good.
-好 当上经理了吗？ -没 目前还没 - Good, manager yet? - No, not yet.
你得一步一步的往上爬 But you know, you gotta climb the ladder.
第五年说不定有机会 对吗？ Five years is the charm, though, right?
你知道 It's, uh, you know.
我在一家餐馆工作 I, I work at a restaurant--
比利！ Billy!
这也难怪有些孩子长大后 It's no wonder certain kids
心理有这么多毛病 develop certain complexes growin' up.
祸根都是一个不正常的家庭呗 Dysfunctional households?
他们的不正常 They can't help
-简直到了一定的境界 -抱歉 but be dysfunctional. - I'm sorry.
他就是个白痴 He is such a little dickhead.
没错 说的就是你 Yeah, yeah, you are.
我说了 I said it.
抱歉 真的很抱歉 I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
我讨厌你！ I hate you!
-过来 -不要 - Come here. - No.
立马给我过来 Come here right now.
-才不 -你现在就给我过来 - No. - Come here, right
你这个熊孩子 you little brat!
比利！ Billy!
-你家挺可爱的 -比利！ - You have a lovely house. - Billy!
快给我过来 Come here right now!
站住！ Stop!
-比利 你给我过来 -抱歉 Billy, you come here! - I'm so sorry.
妈 帮帮我 Mom, help me.
比利 你立马给我坐下 Billy, you sit your butt down right now!
给我坐下 不然就给你禁足 You sit down or you're grounded!
抓住他！ Get him!
我妈的弟弟当时 My mom's brother was now
也在这儿住着 living with her.
他丢掉了工厂里的工作 He lost his job at the factory
在过去的6年里 and was trying to get back on his feet.
他都一直在试图东山再起 For the past six years.
乔纳之前从来没带过任何人回家 Jonah's never brought anyone home before.
你一定很特别 You must be special.
我简直不敢相信他这种书呆子 I can't believe the nerd actually
也能追上你这么性感的美女 got someone as hot as you.
谢谢你琳达 这话说的可真好听 What's that, Linda,I appreciate that,that's really nice.
我只是说说 她看上去真正常 I'm just sayin',she seems real normal.
或许她背地里有什么问题呢 Maybe something's wrong with her.
说不准她是个阴阳人呢 Maybe she's a hermaphrodite.
你下面长屌了吗？ You got a cock?
-哇偶 -我很抱歉 - Wow. - I am so sorry.
乔纳以前在学校天天被揍 Jonah used to get beat up every day at school.
每天都是哭着回家 Every day he'd come home cryin'.
没错 他确实是 每一天 Yes, he did, every day.
小怂逼 Little pussy.
还曾经迷上那些70年代的黑人电影那种鬼东西 Used to be into that, um,those '70s black movie shit.
小怪胎 Little weirdo.
你他妈在逗我吗？ Are you kidding me right now?
这就是你想做的？ This is what you wanna do?
你现在翅膀硬了？ You a man now?
要跟我出去单挑吗？ You wanna step outside
证明你多有男子气概？ prove to me how much of a man you are?
鲍勃 别烦他了 Bob, leave him alone.
我们还有大把时间呢 We still got time.
-你现在想跟我打架？ -真蠢 我们走吧 - You wanna fight me right-- - It's stupid, let's go.
-宝贝 拜托了 -妈 我要怎么... Baby, please. - Mom, how am I
-我们能走了吗？ -好 can we go? - Yes.
-我们要走了 -我们走 - We're gonna go. - Let's go.
-我们走 -我们走了 Let's go. - We're goin'.
-妈 我很抱歉 -噢 不 Mom, I'm sorry. - Oh, no.
-我们下次见 妈 -乔纳 - I'll see you, mom. - Jonah.
-谢谢你准备的晚餐 -不用客气哦 - Thank you for dinner. - Pleasure's mine.
乔纳 别走啊 Jonah, don't go.
乔纳 Jonah.
你叫她什么？ What did you call her?
赫尔曼 我没有叫她阴阳人 Herma, I didn't call her a hermaphrodite.
-我只是问她是不是阴阳人 -你他妈 I asked if she was one. - What the hell
什么毛病 鲍勃？ is the matter with you, Bob?
不错的家庭 Nice family.
我的家庭糟透了 My family sucks.
你为什么容忍他们这么跟你说话？ Why do you let them talk to you like that?
你能别问这个吗？ Can you leave it alone?
我已经抛到脑后了 That's all behind me.
你想跟我谈谈吗？ So, you wanna talk about this?
不想 No.
好吧 Okay.
回见了 乔纳 I'll see you later, Jonah.
欧耶 狠狠的"爱我"吧 Oh yeah, I've got mean sex.
据说 受害者最终会变成加害者 They say that hurt people hurt people.
这是个循环 It's a cycle.
所有的行为都是因 会得到相应的果 All behavior is causation,cause and effect.
你做的所有事 所有失足踏错 所有不良行为 Everything you do, every misstep, every deviant act
都有它的根源 在你的过去曾经种下的根 has its origin, its root somewhere in the past.
所有伤害都需要一个发泄口 这就是我的出口 All hurt must have an outlet, and this was mine.
-嘿 -嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
我 我只是想过来 I, uh, I just wanted too come by and apologize
为那天的行为道个歉 for how I acted the other day.
没关系的 It's okay.
要进来吗？ You comin' in?
我被邀请了吗？ Am I invited?
当然 你被邀请了 Of course you're invited
真的非常好吃 This is really good.
我很开心 I'm glad.
这是我最爱的菜肴之一了 This is one of my favorite dishes.
-是吗？ -在我还小的时候 - Yeah? - My dad used to make it
我爸曾经给我做过 for me when I was little.
你知道吗 听说 You know that they say that girls
和爸爸关系好的女孩子 that have good relationships with their dads
会是绝佳的女友人选 make excellent girlfriends.
真的吗？ Really?
没错 我从别处听来的 Yeah, I, I heard that somewhere.
也可能是在书上读到过 不太记得了 I might have read it, I don't remember exactly.
你是在请求我成为你的女友吗 乔纳？ Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Jonah?
如果你愿意的话 Only if you wanna be.
我很乐意 I would love to.
是吗？ Yeah?
是啊 Yeah.
不打算过来亲一下你的女朋友？ Well, aren't you gonna kiss your girlfriend?
好了 Well.
听着 前几天 Look, about the other day.
嗯 Um.
我原本想跟你谈谈我的童年 I wanted to talk to you about my childhood.
只是 It's just
每当我这么做的时候 它就会带回很多伤心的回忆 when I do, it brings me a lot of sadness.
所以我选择的是忘掉它们 全部忘掉 So what I do is I try to forget about it altogether.
你懂的 我把它封存在 You know, I just leave it
脑海深处 不去触碰它 in the back of my mind somewhere, dormant.
那之后我赶上了一个时机 And then I get caught up in a time period
我想做一个更光彩的自己 that I think is cooler than the one I grew up in.
那种受欢迎的乐天派 You know, one that was cool and carefree.
至少我是这么想的 At least that's how I like to imagine it.
但当我回家的时候 不堪的过去又一幕幕涌来 When I go home, it reminds me of that shitty past.
你不用跟我解释这些的 You don't have to explain anything to me.
我只是很开心你出现在我生命中 I'm just glad you're in my life.
我真的真的很想奖励给你一个大大的拥抱 And I'm really, really just wanting to give you a huge hug
因为你愿意向我敞开心扉 for opening up and sharing that with me.
那一刻 我想说 At that moment, I just wanted to say
我爱你莎伦 你就是我的灵魂伴侣 I love you, Sharon,you're my soul mate.
但取而代之 我只是说了 But instead, I just said
谢谢你 thanks.
你太酷了 You're so cool.
谢谢 Thanks.
我很高兴在我的生命中遇见你 乔纳 I'm so glad I have you in my life, Jonah.
我们去跳舞吧 Let's go dancing.
-现在？ -没错 你会跳舞吗？ - Right now? - Yeah, can you dance?
我会跳舞吗？ Can I dance?
我当然会了 Of course I can dance.
看看这个 哥就是台跳舞机 Look at this, I'm a dancin' machine.
-看我的动作 -是吗？ Look at my move. - Really?
嗯 其实我跳得贼差 Yeah, I'm really bad actually.
很烂 I'm really bad.
烂的让人尴尬 It's embarrassing how bad I am.
噢 那就好玩了 Oh, then it's gonna be really fun.
但别担心 我也不会跳 But don't worry, I can't dance either.
-啊哦 -来吧 - Uh-oh. - Hmm-mm.
你不能再这么干了 - You gotta stop this.
你就是个混蛋 You're an asshole.
你做的事儿太操蛋了 Um, it's fucked up,what you're doing.
你清楚的 不是吗？ You know that, right?
你现在是在扮演我的良心吗？ What are you,my conscience now?
你做的事儿真操蛋 It's fucked up,what you're doing.
你怎么可以同时和三个辣妹儿厮混 How do you have sex with three hot chicks?
嘿朋友 你喜欢这个女孩 Hey, you like this girl.
我看得出来 我懂你 I can see that, I know you.
那你为什么要这么做？ So why are you doing this?
因为我是个皮条客 -你是个皮条客？ 'Cause I'm a pimp. - You're a pimp.
不是哥选择了江湖 是江湖找上了哥 I didn't choose the thug life, thug life chose me.
哇偶 Oh, wow.
这就是你现在的处境 Okay, so that's where you are now.
靠蹩脚的嘻哈台词伪装自己 You're hiding behind some lame-ass hip-hop metaphors.
好好听我说 Listen to me and listen to me good.
我父亲曾经说过 As my father used too say--
洗耳恭听 I'm listenin'.
要清楚认识到 是你自己选择了现在的生活 You choose the life you live, make no mistake about it.
懂了吗？听进去了？ Get it, is it in there?
-说真的？ -嗯 - Really? - Mm.
-你想给我来这套？ -哪套？ - You wanna do this with me? - Do what?
你确定吗？ Are you sure, Mr. I've Been Hiding
"我过去的一个半月都在躲我前女友"先生 from my ex-girlfriend Heather for the past month and a half?
你要给我提供人生建议？ You're gonna counsel me on life advice?
你这样太混蛋了 That is fucked up.
己所不欲勿施于人 兄弟 Don't dish it out if you can't take it, man.
别给我提海瑟 好吗 Don't talk to be about Heather, all right.
永远别他妈再给我提那个婊子 Don't mention that bitch whore to me ever again!
我天 抱歉 Shit, man, sorry.
你还是很气愤这件事 对吗？ You're still really angry about this, aren't you?
-我没有生气 -放松点 没事的 - I'm not angry. - Relax, okay.
兄弟 你得好好处理这团怒火 Hey man, you gotta with that anger, okay.
怒火不会自己消失的 相信我 It doesn't go away, trust me.
只会成为一种恶性循环 It just becomes a vicious cycle.
被伤害的人最后会去伤害别人 And hurt people end up hurting people.
你得好好处理下这个 You have to deal with that
除非你想让自己堕落 unless you want it to fester
然后变成那种讨人厌的 and to become one of those angry
暴躁印度司机 pissed-off Indian cab drivers.
当真吗？你对印度人就是这种刻板印象？ Really, with the stereotypes, really?
你当然也可以去7-11便利店工作 You could work at a 7-Eleven.
不 朋友 这他妈是种族歧视 No, dude, that is so fucking racist.
虽然我不是很懂为什么我们这么多 Though I don't understand why so many of my people
印度人民群众最后都去了7-11工作 这挺困扰我的 do end up working at 7-Eleven, it's disturbing.
-但重点是 -嗯哼？ But here's the point. - Mm-hmm.
-我没有生气 -你有一点生气 - I'm not angry. - You're a little angry.
不 我没有 No, I'm not.
我没有 没有 No, I'm not, no, I'm not.
我只是认为海瑟是个该死的婊子妓女 I just think that Heather is a fucking bitch whore
因为她跟我的邻居乱搞 但是我没有生气 for fucking my neighbor,but I am not angry.
否认现实 Denial.
我曾经有一条叫皮特的狗 I once had a dog named Pete who used to like to take a shit
喜欢在客厅拉屎 in the middle of the living room.
我们曾经有人踩到过 We used to step over it
但还是装作什么事都没发生一样 and acted like nobody saw anything at all.
这就是否认现实 That's denial.
你在否认现实 You're in denial.
我不是我没有 - I'm not in denial.
否认现实不仅仅是埃及的某条河 - De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt.
你在说什么屁话？ You don't even know what that means.
你说的话不是屁？ What are you doin' right now?
莎伦二号 Sharon Two.
不接 Uh-uh.
好了 这烂事越来越复杂了 Okay, this shit is getting complicated.
我需要一些帮助 I need some help.
你想问我你该怎么做 You wanna ask me what you should do.
-嗯 -你真要问我？ - Yeah. - Is that the question?
-是啊 -你想问一个皮条客 - Yeah. - You wanna ask a pimp
拥有三个骚货是不是比只有一个好？ if it's best to have three hot bitches than just one?
是啊 Mm-hmm.
我去 年轻人 我不骗你 Shit, I ain't lie to you, Young Blood.
对我个人来说 三对奶子 To me, myself, personally,three pairs of titties
当然比一对好 is better than one pair of titties
一天一对 周末来两对 any motherfuckin' day of the week, and twice on Sunday.
但这只是我的个人观点啦 That's my personal perspective on this shit.
我说什么来着？ What did I tell you?
他肯定会强调自己是皮条客 He'd say he was a pimp.
这就是皮条客会做的事 That's what pimps do.
没错 - That's right.
这是皮条客会做的事 That's what pimps do.
而且没错 我是个皮条客 And true, I am a pimp.
我从来没否认过 I ain't never made no bone about that.
那是我的生活 我的生活方式 That's my life, my existence.
但好好想想吧 这地球上的每个混球 But dig this, every motherfucker on Earth
总他妈的得自己作出一些决定吧 got to make their own damn decisions.
做自己的人生选择 Gotta make their own choices in life.
但我可以告诉你这个 But I will tell you this, though.
生活就是个婊子 她会冷不丁给你一下子 Life's a bitch, and she will bite you in the ass.
但说真的 适合我的生活 But on real, what's right for me
可能不一定适合你 might not necessarily be right for you.
我认识一些60岁还在玩的皮条客们 I know pimps still in the game at 60.
还有些退休了 找了一个人安定下来 Some retire, settle down with one thing.
这就是个选择 It's a choice.
所以 这妞够好吗？ So, is she fine?
她好到不行 She's a bad bitch.
好到不行是吧？ She a bad bitch?
你得跟着自己的心走 You gotta do you.
你喜欢她吗？ You like her her?
那就别管其他人会说什么 Then fuck what me or anybody else got to say about it.
就你和她对抗全世界 Just you and she against the world, baby.
你明白了吗？ Can you dig it?
就这样 我要告诉他们 That was it, I was gonna tell them.
莎伦一号 莎伦二号 我玩完了 Sharon One, Sharon Two, I'm done, man.
我是个专情的男人 I'm a one-woman man.
做的不错 兄弟 Good for you, man.
我为你骄傲 I am proud of you.
这他妈就对了 That is the shit right there.
兄弟 这就对了 Man, that's what's up.
这就对了 That's what's up.
一旦当你做对了决定 It's amazing the clarity you get
你的世界将变得意想不到的明朗 once you've made the right decision.
但与此同时 It's also amazing the complication that come
麻烦的到来也让人猝不及防 to your life the moment you decide to do what's right.
莎伦 你带我来这家咖啡店做什么？ Sharon, why did you bring me to this coffee shop?
我还以为你会告诉我 I thought you were gonna show me the reason
为什么乔纳最近一直冷落我们 why Jonah's been ignoring us lately.
我就是在告诉你啊 And I am.
原因就站在那儿 站在我们面前 She's standing right there,right in front of us.
逗我吧 又一个女人？ Stop it, another woman?
我前几天跟踪他到这儿 I followed him here the other day.
并且这并不是唯一的大新闻 And that's not the only surprising thing.
打扰下 女士 Um, excuse me, miss.
噢 嗨 你们好 Oh, hi, how are you?
有什么需要呢 女士们？ How can I help you ladies?
这个 你是莎伦 Well, Sharon.
我的名字也是莎伦 My name is Sharon.
我这位朋友的名字也是莎伦 And my friend's name here is also Sharon.
哇偶 Well, wow.
这太古怪了 That's, um, that's odd.
我还从来没有 I can't say I've ever met two Sharons
一次遇见过两个莎伦呢 at the same time before.
对吧？ Right?
我想我们还真是有个共同点 We certainly have something in common.
但是 这并不是我们唯一的共同点 Well, see, that's not the only thing we have in common.
我们还有什么共同点呢？ What else do we have in common?
你想说吗？ Um, do you wanna?
这真的挺尴尬的 This is awkward.
乔纳 Jonah.
巧了我们都在和乔纳约会 We all happen to date Jonah Smith.
说真的 这是在恶搞吗？ Seriously, is this like some sort of joke or something?
并不是 No.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
呃 Uh.
我觉得我没听懂 I don't, I don't think I understand.
你说你们俩也在和乔纳约会？ Uh, you're telling me that you two are also seeing Jonah?
哥感觉整个人都解放了 I feel so liberated right now, man.
哥要翻开生命的崭新篇章了 I'm about to start a whole new chapter of my life.
太美好了 It's beautiful.
喔喔 兄弟 Whoa, whoa, dude, dude.
兄弟 你看见我看见的东西了吗？ Are seeing what I'm seeing?
搞什么鬼？ What the fuck?
游戏结束 Game over.
我的世界迎来了终结 My world has just come to an end.
你只是他的新猎物 And now you're just the latest addition to the equation.
很抱歉我们以这种方式告诉你 So, I'm sorry that we had to break it down to you like this.
呃 谢谢你们 Well, um, thanks for
告诉我这事 for telling me, I guess.
噢 不是吧 Oh, no.
你不会要哭吧？ Oh, you're not gonna cry, are you?
咱别哭啊 Let's not.
我是说 这儿人挺多的 I mean, it's like,in public and--
不不 我没事 No, no, no, I'm good.
嘿 我会没事的 Hey, I'll be fine.
还是谢谢 Thank you, though.
我 I, uh--
不是等会儿 再坐会儿 Well, well, sit back down.
因为 我们有一个提议 Because we a proposition for you.
-我们有吗？ -我们有的 - We do? - We do.
操！ Fuck!
我他妈没告诉过你这事儿会给你招麻烦吗？ Didn't I fucking tell you this would catch up to you?
我们可以协调好这事儿的 我们仨 Well, we can work this out, the three of us.
我完蛋了 I'm so fucked.
-我他妈现在完蛋了 -就说过你会被逮到的 I'm so fucked right now. - Told you it would catch up.
咱们可以... It could be, it...
噢 现在大家都到齐了 Oh, well, maybe the four of us.
看看谁来了 Look who's here.
嗨 Hi.
我该逃走吗？ Should I run?
或许吧 Uh, maybe.
懦弱的定义 Definition of cowardice:
胆怯 缺乏勇气 timidity, lack of bravery.
我当时没有逃跑 I didn't run.
但并不是因为我勇敢 It's not that I was brave.
只是我的双腿已经不听使唤 It's just that my legs couldn't move.
我僵在原地 I froze.
我能失陪一会儿吗？ Excuse me a moment, will you?
当然可以 Yeah, of course.
乔纳！ Jonah!
你怎么能这么做 乔纳？ How could you do this, Jonah?
三个莎伦？ Three Sharons?
你是什么变态？ What kind of sicko are you?
事情就这么发生了 It just sorta happened.
只是就这么发生了？ It just, it just sort of happened.
就这么发生了？ It just sort of happened?
三个莎伦 而我是三号 Three Sharons, and I'm number three.
你真他妈是个混蛋 乔纳！ You're a fucking asshole, Jonah!
他们玩的是真的 那可是真实的怒火呢 Oh, that's really, there's really anger in there.
我恨你 I hate you.
永远别再和我说话 永远 Don't you ever speak to me, not ever again.
天 God.
莎伦 Sharon.
莎伦！ Sharon!
莎伦 等等 Sharon, wait.
莎伦 拜托 Sharon, come on.
-我们玩完了 结束了 -什么？ We're done, it's over. - What?
-莎伦 -你还好吗？ - Sharon. - Are you okay?
别让他过来 Do not let him back here.
-莎伦 -嘿 - Sharon! - Hey.
有什么需要帮助的吗？ Um, can I help you with something?
莎伦 莎伦 Sharon, Sharon.
等等 莎伦 Wait, Sharon.
看来我没什么能帮你 I didn't think so.
我认为你该走了 兄弟 I think you need to leave, dude.
离开 Go.
看来事情并没按照我的预期发展 Well, that didn't go exactly how I envisioned it.
是吗？ Do you think?
莎伦 我会给你空间 没问题 Sharon, I'm just gonna give you space, okay.
我不会再打给你 I'm, I'm, I'm not gonna call you back.
我不会再打给你 I won't call you back.
等你准备好再打给我 You call me when you're ready.
这是你听到我说的最后一句话 好吗 This is the last you're gonna hear from me, okay.
我呃 我不会再打给你 This is, um, I won't call you back.
莎伦 Sharon.
莎伦 还是我 Sharon, it's me again.
给我回电 Um, call me back.
好吗 拜托了 Huh, please?
我只是想跟你聊聊 Um, I just wanna talk.
嘿 电视上之前在放《霍元甲》 Hey, uh, Legend of a Fighter was on earlier.
我想到了你 I, uh, I thought of you.
我只是想和你解释 I just wanna explain.
打给我 拜托 打给我 Call me, please, call me.
如果你不赶紧回电 我就得 If you don't call me back soon,I'm gonna start having to go
换一家咖啡馆了 to a different coffee shop.
莎伦 还是我 Sharon, it's me again, okay.
求你 求你打给我 Please, please call me.
我完全没办法想其他的事 I, uh, I can't think about anything else.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
我只是想把这件事好好解释一下 I, I just wanna make this right, okay.
打给我好吗 我只是想聊聊 Call me, just, I just wanna talk.
只是聊聊 I just wanna talk.
嗯 Um.
我想你了 我... I miss you, I don't--
噢 Oh.
看看这小子 Look at him.
看看他 Look at him.
嘿兄弟 Hey buddy.
她不想跟我说话 She doesn't wanna talk to me.
很疼 对吧？ It hurts, right?
心脏那儿疼 Right in the heart.
挺奇怪的哈 看到你这么难过 You know, the odd thing is that seeing you so upset
我瞬间没那么难受了 I don't feel half as bad about my life.
看来痛苦总是需要陪伴啊 I guess misery really does love company.
所以 我们现在同一战线了 So we're in this together.
噢 我 Oh, I'm, I'm
抱歉 我只是脱口而出了 I'm sorry, I'm just thinking out loud.
你是个混蛋 You're an asshole.
没错 Indeed.
我真的说出来吗？ Did I say that out loud
还是我思考的声音太大了？ or was I just thinking that out loud?
你说出来了 还很大声 That was out loud.
借用的好 用得好 That's a valid point, good point.
哎哟 Oopsies.
抱歉 Sorry.
哎哟 Oops.
很好 Good.
你想要来点冰淇淋吗？ Do you want some ice cream?
嗯 麻烦你 Yes, please.
不啦 我还是拿点奶昔来 Nah, I'll get some smoothies.
我们能熬过去的 We'll work on it.
好吗？ Okay?
莎伦！ Sharon!
莎伦 Sharon.
-嗨 -你想怎样 乔纳？ - Hi. - What do you want, Jonah?
我只是想解释 I just want to explain.
在我爸爸死之后我答应过自己 I promised myself after my dad died no one
-没人能再这样伤害我 -我知道 但是... would hurt me like that. - I know, but--
我为你打开心门 你却做出那种事！ I let you in, and you did just that!
我知道 莎伦 I know, Sharon
-我很抱歉 -我问过你 and I'm sorry, I'm-- - I asked you if you
你有没有在和其他人约会 were seeing anyone.
你骗了我 And you lied.
是 Yeah.
-你骗了我 乔纳 -是 我知道 - You lied, Jonah. - Yeah, I know.
你要做的只是跟我说实话 但是你没有 All you had to do was be honest with me, but you couldn't.
-不是 莎伦 -停下！ - No, Sharon, I-- - Stop!
让我说完 我想把这事说清楚 Let me finish, I wanna get this out.
我知道我不该这么难过 Now, I know I shouldn't be this upset.
我才认识你 I mean, I've known you what
-大概六周时间 -没错 like six weeks? - Yeah.
但它却是我生命中最美好的六周 - But those have been the best six weeks of my life.
-我也是 -乔纳 我发誓 - Me too. - Jonah, I swear to God
如果你再不闭嘴我就关上门走开了 I will shut this door and walk away if you keep on talking.
好 Okay.
我很受伤 I am so hurt.
你真的伤到我了 乔纳 You really hurt me, Jonah.
那两个莎伦想要 I mean, and those other two Sharons wanted
把我也编排进你那个变态的性爱时间表 to work me into this sick sex schedule that you had.
我拒绝了 And I declined.
你们这帮人有病 You're sick.
你们正好包子配狗 You deserve each other.
我和你玩完了 I am done with you.
我再也不想看见你 I don't ever wanna see you again.
在我离开之前你还有什么要补充的吗？ Is there anything you wanna add before you go?
你记不记得那次我们外出 Do you remember, do you remember we were outside?
你问我我害怕的是什么？ And you asked me what I was afraid of?
我想过了 I thought about it.
是爱 It's love.
我害怕爱 Okay, I'm afraid of love
因为我不确定自己知道它是什么 because I, I don't think I know what it is.
得了吧 乔纳 Spare me, Jonah.
我被霸凌过 I was bullied.
在我还小的时候 As a kid, I was bullied.
我被各路不同的人霸凌 By all different people.
但主要有一个家伙 But it was, it was mostly this one guy.
尼克·科瓦尔斯基 Nick Kowalski.
我每天放学后 无一例外都会被他欺负 I mean, it was every day after school, without fail.
以至于到后来 I mean, it got to the point where I would
只要我看到他 我就会 I would just see him,and I would start
开始发抖 I would start shaking.
只要想想这家伙 我就会做噩梦 I have nightmares just thinking about this guy.
所以我害怕什么？ So what am I afraid of?
我害怕尼克·科瓦尔斯基 I'm afraid of Nick Kowalski.
而且我不止是害怕 And I'm not just afraid either.
我觉得很耻辱 I'm, I'm ashamed.
我很愤怒 And I'm angry.
主要是生自己的气 You know, mostly angry at myself.
因为我没有直面过他 You know, for not confronting him.
我应该 我本应该奋起反抗的 I should've, I should've confronted him.
这事一直纠缠着我 I, I mean, it haunts me.
就像是自尊心作祟 I think it's like a self-esteem thing.
可能吧 Maybe.
事实上 我承认 And then the fact that I can acknowledge that
我耻于没有面对过 没有反抗过这事 makes me ashamed that I didn't face this and confront this.
让所有罪恶感延续下去 And then all the guilt that goes along with it.
我不得不不断地证明自己 为自己辩护 I mean, I had to constantly prove myself and justify myself.
是我自己搞砸了一切 莎伦 I mean, I'm fucked up, Sharon.
好吗 我搞砸了 Okay, I'm fucked up.
很不幸 你在我还迷茫的时候 And unfortunately,you got caught up
进入了我的世界 我很抱歉 into my world of confusion, and I'm sorry.
我知道你没有理由相信我 Okay, I, I know you've got no reason to believe me.
但我只想说 我很抱歉 But if nothin' else,know that I'm, I'm sorry.
那些很久很久之前发生的事 It's weird how, like,something could happen to you
直到今天还会对你不依不饶 so long ago, and it can affect you today
用各种诡异的方式影响着自己 in the weirdest ways.
三个莎伦 这事真的很糟糕 I mean, three Sharons,that's messed up.
我承认 I can admit that.
你不该被如此对待 And you didn't deserve this.
但是我保证从现在开始事情会有所不同 But things are gonna be different now.
好吗？ Okay?
我会有所改变的 Things will be different.
你要用什么来改变 乔纳？ What would make things different, Jonah?
你还是一样的人 You haven't changed.
你还是在害怕 You're still scared.
依然在逃避你的恐惧 Still running from your fears.
对尼克·科瓦尔斯基的恐惧 Fear of Nick Kowalski.
对失去我的恐惧 Your fear of losing me.
我很遗憾你曾经被霸凌 I'm sorry you were bullied.
但是你的过去正在毁掉你的当下 But your past is destroying your present.
而且如果你不去面对它 它还会毁掉你的未来 And it will destroy your future if you don't face up to it.
抱歉 我做不到 I'm sorry, I, I can't do this.
我得走了 I gotta go.
-莎伦... -别这样 乔纳 - Sharon, just-- - Don't, Jonah.
当你失去了你生命中 There is a sinking feeling
最美好也是唯一重要的东西 in your stomach when you've lost the best thing
你的胃里会一阵下沉的感觉 in your life, the only thing that matters to you.
就像被人用刀捣毁你的五脏六腑 It cuts like a knife, ripping through your internal organs.
或者说这只是因为我之前吃的那个墨西哥卷饼 Or maybe that was the burrito I had earlier.
不管是什么 我知道我该做出点行动了 Whatever the case, I knew something had to be done.
我要去直面我的恐惧 I was gonna meet my fear head-on.
我要去做无法想象的事 I was gonna do the unthinkable.
我要去直面尼克·科瓦尔斯基 I was gonna confront Nick Kowalski.
尼克·科瓦尔斯基 23岁 Nick Kowalski, 23 years old.
身高1米93 6'4".
体重212斤 234 pounds.
胸围137 A 54-inch chest span
挥舞右勾拳的手臂臂围43 and 17-inch biceps that wield a crushing right hook.
这么多年之后面对面站在他面前 It was a surreal feeling standing there
和他对视的感觉有点不太真实 looking at him face-to-face after all these years.
我能觉察到我身体上的变化 I could feel my body changing:
心率加速 开始分泌汗液 increased heart rate,pore secretions
口干舌燥 或者说像是口渴的感觉 xerostomia, otherwise known as cotton mouth
以及一股想要尿尿的强烈欲望 and a really strong urge to pee.
我真的得尿尿了 I really had to pee.
所以 你他妈想要干嘛？ So, what the fuck do you want?
呃呃呃 什么？ What?
我 呃 I, uh
你给我的整一个人生都留下了阴影 you scarred me for life.
我今天来这儿 And I came here today
来面对你 让你知道 to confront you and let you know
我不会再让你影响我的人生了 that I will not let you dominate my life anymore.
在我接下来的人生里 You will not mentally mind-fuck me
-你再也不能精神霸凌我 -噢 精神霸凌 for the rest of my life. - Ooh, mind-fuck.
我想告诉你 And I wanna tell you that
我原谅你 I forgive you.
原谅我哈？ Forgive me, huh?
我原谅你这些年来 I forgive you for all the hurt
带给我的所有伤痛 you caused me over the years.
我将永远将对你的执念 从我的脑海中释放 And I'm releasing you from my mind forever.
-你被解雇了 -解雇？ You're dismissed. - Dismissed?
你再也不能控制我了 You no longer have power over me.
哦？就这样？ Oh yeah, is that it?
就这样？ Is that it?
感觉真好 That felt good.
是啊 是啊 Yeah, yeah.
我感觉也很棒 It felt good for me too, yeah.
真的吗？ It did?
听着兄弟 我还有很多事要忙 Well, listen, dude, I got a lot of work to do, man.
我有两个新来的实习生要带 还要更换机油修理发动机 I got like two trannies and oil change and a tune-up.
嗯 Yeah, no.
但你知道吗 我永远有时间 But you know what, you know, I always got time
像以前一样再揍你一次 for another good old fashioned ass whoopin'.
什么？ What?
当真？ Seriously?
嗯 真的 Yeah, seriously.
咱们去抓住他 Let's get him.
靠 我都干了些什么？ Shit, what have I done?
这跟我想的有那么一点点出入 This went just a little differently in my mind.
像我之前说过的 生活就是个循环 As I said before,life goes full circle.
当坏事儿追上你的时候 它真的很婊 And when it catches up to you, it's a bitch.
这些年来 我学会了让思绪 Over the years, I learned to distance my mind
从当下的困境中飘离 去想想那些愉快的时光 from present circumstances and think of more pleasant times.
我想起我七岁那年 I remember a time when I was seven years old
我得到了一个生日蛋糕 以及我要去看 and got a birthday cake or how excited I was
《星球大战I：魅影危机》时的激动之情 Episode I, The Phantom Menace.
《星球大战I：魅影危机》！ Star Wars, Phantom Menace!
但当我想到莎伦的时候 有趣的事发生了 But a funny thing happened when I thought about Sharon.
我看着她的脸 她的微笑 As I looked at her face, at her smile
然后意识到这一切都不在了 and now realizing it was all gone
一股奇异的感觉涌上心头 a strange and odd feeling came over me
那是一种我从未有过的感觉 one that I've never experienced before.
它让我的右腿鼓足了劲飞起一脚 And it caused my right leg to rise up with force.
我越是想起莎伦三号 And the more I thought about Sharon Three
我就越有胆量 the bolder I felt.
来吧 让我们大干一番 Come on, sucker,let's get it on.
爆发吧 乔纳 Get it on, Jonah.
杀了这只胖火鸡 Kill that jive turkey.
我不清楚是什么让我爆发 I'm not sure what came over me
或许多年来积攒的怒火？ pent-up rage for so many years?
这一次 我是真的想赢 But this time, I was in it to win it.
你他妈咬我！ You fuckin' bit me!
没错 老子咬的就是你 婊子 Yeah, I bit you, bitch.
噢天 兄弟你简直疯了 Oh god, dude, you are fucking insane, man.
我的脸没有知觉了 I can't really feel my face.
虽然总的算起来 Even though by all counts
那场较量我还是输了 但它确实是场真正的较量 I lost that fight, the fact is, it was a fight.
那是我有史以来第一次直面一个恶霸 That was the first time I ever fought back
并反击回去 and stood up to a bully.
那种感觉太他妈棒了 And that felt damn good.
我被打得鼻青脸肿 但他也吃了苦头 I was bruised and battered,but so the hell was he.
从我的角度来看这件事 这就是胜利 And from my perspective,that was a win.
你他妈疯了 兄弟 You're fuckin' crazy, man.
我脸上的淤青花了一星期才消散 It was a whole week before my bruises cleared up.
不错吧？ Okay, not bad?
我们打架的八卦传得很快 News of our fight traveled fast.
那段视频在油管上有超过一千万的点击量 It got over 10 million hits on YouTube.
这家伙 This guy.
大家随便吃 Eat some food, all right, eat.
我感觉自己的生活好极了 And I was feeling pretty good about life.
除了一件事 With one exception.
过去找她 打电话给她 发信息给她 做点什么 Go over there, call her, text her, something.
你想让我帮你打给她吗？ Do you want me to call her for you?
不 我不想 No, I don't want you to call her for me.
我会帮你的 I'll do it.
你懂吗？ You understand?
-让我帮帮你好吗？ -你要干嘛？ Let me help you, all right. - Yeah, what?
我帮你发消息给她 I'm gonna text her for you.
我有一招必杀技短信 她绝对无法招架 I've got the bomb text she cannot resist.
一定会管用的 This is gonna work.
我会帮你做好 I'm gonna close this for you.
你有必杀短信？ You got a bomb text?
没错 把你手机给我 Yeah, give me your phone.
-那我就相信你了 德鲁 -手机给我 - I'm trusting you, Drew. - Hand me your phone
-赶紧的 -我信你了 right now. - I'm trusting you.
调出来 给我 Cue it up, give it to me.
-要不要？ -动手吧 Cued? - Do it.
这才是好孩子 That's my boy.
发送 Sent.
完成 Done.
搞定 Taken care of.
-有用吗？ -不客气 - Good? - You're welcome.
-它管用吗？ -不必客气 - Is it good? - You're welcome.
兄弟 你是对的 Dude, you're right.
我想念你的狗趴式？ I miss your doggie style?
会管用的 相信我 It's gonna work, trust me.
-绝对管用 -你是在逗我吗？ It's gonna work. - Are you kidding me right now?
我保证 这招绝对管用 That's gonna work, I promise you.
我想念你的狗趴式？ I miss your doggie style?
我保证 I promise you.
现在你只需要坐等她来找你 Now you sit and wait.
-你让我接下来怎么做？ -体会一下精髓 - Man, how am I supposed to follow that up. - Absorb it.
这挺有趣的 你会喜欢这个的 This is interesting,man, you'll like this.
我在看一本关于霸凌的书 I'm reading this book on bullying.
它叫《恐惧所催生的恐惧》 It's called The Fear That Fear Produced.
主要是说你需要放下自己的魔障 It's basically saying you need to purge
让事情顺其自然的发展 and then allow things to naturally run their course.
我再也找不到像她这么好的女孩了 I'm not gonna find a girl as great as her.
碰不到了 I'm not.
这种感觉真的很糟 直到你失去的那刻你才懂得珍惜 It sucks how you don't appreciate something until it's gone.
你眼里的泪花是怎么回事？ What are you getting all misty about?
我没有闪泪花 I'm not getting misty.
只是你说的一些东西触动我了 Just, something you said got to me
那句"再也找不到像她那样的女孩" about not finding another girl like that.
这让我想起了海瑟 It just made me think about Heather and how I'm
我也再也找不到像她那样的女人了 I'm never gonna find another woman like her again, too.
你还是想挽回她？ You still want her back, huh?
在她做过你说的这些事之后 After everything you've said about her?
嗯 Yeah.
我真的很想 兄弟 I really do, man.
我真的 真的想 I really, really do.
但是 嘿 我这是在干嘛呢？ But you know what,hey, what am I doing?
重点不是我 我们在谈论你 This is not about me,we're talking about you.
所以上吧 So go ahead.
那你就去挽回她啊兄弟 You brought her up, man.
别说这些让我想起她的事儿了 Well, stop saying things that make me think about her.
我是疯了吗 居然想和一个背叛我的人在一起 God, am I crazy to wanna be with somebody who cheated on me?
我甚至不该再想起她 I shouldn't even be thinking about her.
该死的 Damn you.
人们为什么要彼此伤害？ Why do people hurt people?
说实话 乔纳 我不懂 Honestly, Jonah, I don't get it.
我真的不懂 I really don't get it.
我们都是人 We're human.
人们各有各的麻烦事 People struggle with different issues.
对于每个不同的人来说 In our own various,individual ways
每个人都是一团糟 we're all messed up.
现在我有点抑郁了 Now I'm depressed.
我想要她回来 I want her back.
我想念她 I miss her.
我也是 Me too.
我想念莎伦三号 I miss Sharon Three.
你要去哪儿？ Where you goin'?
出去散个步而已 I'm just gonna go for a walk.
马上回来 好吗 I'll be back, okay.
我想理一下自己的思绪 I'm just gonna clear my mind.
嗯 你要我和你一起吗？ Yeah, you want me to come with you?
不不不 我想一个人发泄一下 No, no, no, I just wanna,I wanna blow off some steam.
-你懂的 -你确定？ -You know? - You sure?
嗯 再聊 Yeah, talk to you soon.
有位智者曾说 A wise man once said
"治疗爱的创伤唯有加倍地去爱" "There's no remedy to love but to love more."
那位智者就是亨利·大卫·梭罗 That man was Henry David Thoreau.
我知道我该做些什么了 I knew what I had to do.
嗨 Hi.
你想怎样？ What do you want?
听着 我想你跟我说实话 Look, I would like you to be honest with me.
你最近和乔纳上过床吗？ Have you been having sex with Jonah lately?
没 我最近没有和乔纳上床 No, I have not been having sex with Jonah lately.
我以为他在和你约炮 I thought he was having sex with you.
他甚至不接我电话 He's not even picking up his phone.
我这边也是 Same thing here.
我现在工作压力超大 我需要他 I'm so stressed at work right now, I need him.
好了 穿好衣服 Okay, get dressed
我们现在就去他家 because we're going over to his house right now
直接了当地解决这个问题 and we're gonna set this matter straight.
别告诉我我该怎么做 don't tell me what to do.
但是 请进 But come in.
行吧 计划不错 Fine, it's a great plan.
嘿 德鲁 Hey Drew.
嘿 Hey.
嗯 Um.
一杯中杯拿铁 谢谢 I'll just have a medium latte, please.
嗯 好的 Yeah, sure.
中杯拿铁 Medium latte.
谢谢 Thank you.
他很思念你 He misses you, you know.
随便吧 Yeah, whatever.
他很抱歉 莎伦 And he is sorry, Sharon.
是真的 He really is.
我从没见过他 He's hurting right now in a way
像现在这样伤心 that I have not ever seen him before.
他很害怕 He's scared.
害怕什么？ Of what?
害怕失去你 Of losing you.
你是发生在他生命中的 You are the best thing
最美好的事物 that has ever happened to him.
我懂这种感受 因为我经历过 And I know, I have experienced it.
天 我只是不想看他失去这份美好 God, I just don't want to see him lose a good thing.
你知道吗？ You know?
我所知道的是 我看到你们俩在一起的时候 All I know is that when I see the two of you together
我看到了真实的爱情 I see genuine love.
谢谢你 Thank you.
不不 不用了 Mm-mm, don't worry about it.
谢谢 Thank you.
希望能再见到你 I hope I see you again.
照顾好自己 好吗？ Take care, okay?
拜 德鲁 Bye, Drew.
乔纳 Jonah.
你在这儿干嘛？ What are you doing here?
我不想谈这个 I don't wanna talk about it.
不不 我们一定要谈谈这个 No, no, no, we're talking about it.
我做不到 I can't.
我被伤透了 I'm devastated.
你被伤透了？ You're devastated?
他才是被伤透了 He's devastated.
他疯狂的想念你 He misses the hell outta you.
好了 听着 我不是 Okay, look, I didn't,I didn't come here
过来教训你的 好吗 to give you a tongue lashing, okay.
我只想知道你为什么要背叛我最好的朋友 I just wanna know why you cheated on my best friend
和你隔壁的邻居鬼混 with your next door neighbor.
事情就这么发生了 好吗 It was something that just happened, okay.
我们只发生过一次关系 We only had sex once.
好了 事情是这样的 Okay,here's how it happened.
我当时在用他的手机 I was in his cellphone
刷一些他参加的一场演出的照片 looking at pictures from a show he attended.
我的天 Oh my gosh.
但是一不小心\And I went too far.
我看了一些不该看到的照片 I saw some pics I shouldn't have seen.
什么样的照片？ What kind of pics?
丁丁的照片 The penis pics.
而且他的丁丁超大 And it was huge!
我的天 Oh my god.
我必须得实地考察一下 I had to investigate.
我的天呐 Oh my god.
好了 好了 All right, all right.
我很抱歉 但他的丁丁确实很大 I'm sorry, but it was.
该死 愚蠢的大丁丁 God damn, stupid big penis.
它毁了我的生活 It ruined my life.
我爱德鲁的小丁丁 And I love Drew's little penis.
好了 这我还真没必要知道 但是 Okay, I didn't really need to know that, but--
而且我很想念他 And I am missing him.
我太想要他回来了 And I want him back so bad.
但是我配不上他 But I don't deserve him.
这家伙离开你之后 简直是一团烂泥 The guy's a mess without you.
你能帮我吗？ Can you help me?
我来了 I'm coming.
来了 I'm coming.
啊哦 Uh-oh.
没错 啊哦 That's right, uh-oh.
乔纳在哪儿？ Where's Jonah?
呃 我不知道 Hmm, I don't know.
你不知道是什么意思？ What do you mean you don't know?
我出去买了杯咖啡 I mean I went out for a coffee
等我回来的时候他已经不在了 I came back, and he's not here.
那行 我们等他回来 Well, we'll wait for him then.
喔喔 不不不 Whoa, whoa, whoa,no, no, no, no.
女士们 这不是个好主意 Ladies, that's not a good idea.
乔纳不喜欢有其他人进来 Jonah doesn't like me to have company.
行吧 请进吧 Okay, come on in.
嘿 - Hey.
嗨 - Hi.
要去见他吗？ You gonna go see him?
去吧 Go.
去找他 Go get him.
没错 Yeah.
我来照看店里 Yeah, I'll take care of the shop.
好 Okay.
没错 Yeah.
没错 我要去把我男人找回来 Yeah, I'm gonna go get my man.
去找他 姑娘 Go get him, girl.
噢 我爱你 Oh, I love you.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我要去找他 I'm gonna get him.
她击垮了我 She crushed me.
莎伦们 她伤透了我的心 Sharons, she crushed me.
听着 你是个超棒的男人 Look, you are a super-nice guy.
我确信 会有那么一个女孩 And I am sure that there is a girl out there
会懂得爱你 并且欣赏你 who is gonna love you and is gonna appreciate you.
不 No.
你们知道吗 I guess, you know, but
我只想要海瑟回来 I just want Heather back.
即使她出轨了？ Even after she cheated on you?
即使她出轨了 Even after she cheated on me.
哇偶 Wow.
这真扭曲 这是扭曲的爱 That's a gnarly,that's gnarly love.
如果我再得到她 也要出轨 If I get her back,I wanna cheat on her.
我是说 这才合适 I mean, that's only right.
这样才公平 That's only fair, you know.
我想要她撞见我在床上跟其他人鬼混 And I'd love for her to walk in on me.
噢 肯定会很精彩 Oh, that'd be great.
肯定会很棒 对吗？ That'd be great, right?
我撞见过她一次 也该让她这么撞见一次 I walked in on her,she can walk in on me.
碰个正着 Walk in.
但是这不可能发生 Oh, but it's never gonna happen.
看看我 I mean, look at me.
大写加粗的心碎 I've got heartbreak written all over me.
哪有女孩会对我这种状态的人感兴趣 What girl's gonna go for me in a state like this?
但是 But, uh
我可以告诉你们 I'll tell you this.
这太遗憾了 因为 It's too bad, because, uh
我是个风流恶魔 I would be a sexual demon.
我在床上超下流的 I would be like,just nasty in bed.
多下流呢？ I mean,like, how nasty?
珍妮·杰克逊的《Nasty》那种程度 Janet Jackson nasty.
噢 淡定 Oh, Control.
那首歌很火辣 That's a hot song.
我功夫真的不错 I would be good.
德鲁？ Drew?
兄弟 我给你带了个惊喜 Buddy, I got a surprise for ya.
宝贝？ Baby?
-哦 天 -抚摸我的玉足 - Oh god. - Oh, touch my feet.
不 别停 No, don't stop.
-就是那儿 -哦 天 Right there. - Oh god.
-就是那儿 爹地 -行 - Right there, papi. - Okay.
-噢 天 -德鲁？ - Oh god. - Drew?
他可能只是在看《真爱如血》 He's probably just watchin' True Blood.
这样对吗？ Is this right?
我感觉.. I feel like that's--
-哦 那感觉 -我的天 - Okay, that's-- - Oh my god.
-好样的 -有感觉吗 女士们？ - That's good. - Is that right, ladies?
-海瑟？ -我的天 - Heather? - Oh my god.
乔纳 Jonah.
嘿 Hey, hey.
莎伦和莎伦 Sharon and Sharon.
嗯 Yeah.
德鲁 这他妈是怎么回事？ Drew, what the hell is going on here?
你在跟我开玩笑吗？ Is this some kind of a joke?
让我解释下 Let me explain.
什么鬼？ What the hell?
-噢 天 -噢 嘿 - Oh lord. - Oh, hey.
你也是过来参加派对的？ Are you here to join the party, too?
不 No.
不 我本来是来找他的 No, I came for him.
但我现在要走了 But I am leaving.
不不不 莎伦 No, no, no, Sharon.
莎伦 Sharon.
莎伦 等等 Sharon, hold on.
-请让我解释... -等下 - Please, just let me-- - Hang on.
你真是 - You are such
-一坨下流 -听我说 a dirty little-- - Listen for one second.
-屎 -等等 等等 - Piece of shit! - Hold on, hold on, hold on.
-乔纳 我受够了 -求你了 - Jonah, I'm done. - Please.
莎伦 Sharon.
莎伦 给我点时间解释 Sharon, give me one second.
莎伦 莎伦！ Sharon, Sharon!
宝贝 Baby.
宝贝 这太疯狂了 Baby, this is crazy.
我不知道你这是怎么回事 I don't understand any of this.
-我要杀了你 -噢 她生气了 - I should kill you! - Oh my, she's angry.
听着 Listen,.
宝贝 讲点理！ Baby, be reasonable.
哦天 Oh god.
听着 Look.
我不会为我对你做的事找借口 There's no excuse for what I did to you.
没有借口 None.
我现在明白了 I know that now.
我很抱歉 And I am so sorry.
我正在改变 I'm in the process of changing.
如果你再给我一次机会 And if you give me another shot
莎伦 我向你保证 我保证 Sharon, I promise you, I promise you
我会竭尽全力让你开心 I'm gonna do whatever I can to make you happy.
你不会后悔的 You won't regret it.
在那儿发生的事 真的跟我一点关系都没有 And that, in there, I had nothing to do with that.
我甚至不知道发生了什么 I don't even know what that was.
我很想念你 I miss you so much.
你是我生命的全部 You're all that I'm living for.
你不是我的莎伦三号 You're not my Sharon Three.
你是唯一的莎伦 You're Sharon One.
我的第一个 My first.
和最后一个 My last.
你是我的一切 You're my everything.
那是贝瑞·怀特的歌词吗？ Was that Barry White?
没错 我借用了一点点 Yeah, I mean,just a little bit.
结尾的地方 Like, the end.
快过来 Oh, come here.
我好爱你 I love you so much.
我也爱你 I love you too.
而且 你在发“我想念你的狗趴式”的时候 And, um, just so you know
就打动我了 you had me at, I miss your doggie style.
你肯定是在逗我 You're kidding me.
那太搞笑了 It was so funny.
简直难以置信 That's unbelievable.
真是 That's...
真是疯了 That's crazy.
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you too.
我超爱你 I love you so much.
就像我说的 有时候生活会追上你 Like I said, sometimes life catches up to you
但它并不全是糟糕的事儿 and it's not all that bad.
-我有首歌 -是吗？ I got a song. - Yeah?
-我为你准备了首歌 -好的 - I got a song for you, yep. - Okay.
-咱们来听听 -好 Let's hear it. - Okay.
这是惊喜吗？ Is it a surprise?
你可能会好奇德鲁后来怎么样了 You may wonder what happened to Drew.
他和海瑟复合了 Well, he made up with Heather.
很抱歉我出轨了 And I'm sorry I cheated.
但是严格来说 You know, even though, technically
站在我的角度 这并不是出轨 it wasn't cheating on my end.
只是不太道德 你懂的... It was dis-moral,but well, you know--
赶紧闭嘴吻我 Just shut up and kiss me.
不你闭嘴吻我 You shut up, and you kiss me.
至于另外两个莎伦？ And the other two Sharons?
噢 我得来点性爱 Oh, I need some sex.
那天之后我就没见过她们了 Haven't seen them at all since that day.
你知道吗 你的眼睛真的很漂亮 You know, you have really beautiful eyes.
真的吗？ Really?
我猜结局应该都皆大欢喜 I guess all is well that ends well.
这一招可不错 That's a nice shot, right there.
那之后我只碰到过 I only saw Nick Kowalski
尼克·科瓦尔斯基一次 once after that.
他避免了和我的目光接触 我超级喜欢这感觉 He avoided eye contact with me, and I liked it a lot.
我们做到了 麦克斯 We did it, Max.
你明白了吗？ Can you dig it?
你可能会惊讶的发现 You may be surprised to learn
只有当你去面对那些拖住你脚步的 that you can't fully experience life
那些恶霸 心中的那些魔障 until you face and confront the bullies, the demons
你才能好好的去体验生活 the obstacles that hold you back.
因为只有这样做 你才会像我一样意识到 Because then you may realize, as I did
当生活追上你的时候 that when life catches up to you
或许根本没那么糟 it may not be that bad after all.
有时候 船到桥头自然直 Sometimes things just have a way of working out.
不许再和其他女人滥交 No more casual sex with other women.
不许再有第四个莎伦 No more Sharons.
没有了 No more.
我认真的 I mean it.
我也是认真的 I mean it, too.
以上就是我的故事 And that's it, that's my story.
这就是故事的结局 That's how this story ends.